Don’t Be Fooled…

Today, it may look like infertility is a permanent road block preventing you from ever reaching your desired destination.  It may seem as if every prayer you pray goes unanswered, God is silent, and all the news is bad.  It may feel like no one cares, there is no cause for hope, and all is lost.

But that is an illusion.  A false perception.   A lie.

In Hebrew the name Satan translates “the deceiver.”   In scripture, he is also called “the father of lies,” and it’s for a reason.  He specializes in whispering disheartening words.  Convincing you that every closed door is a sign of failure.  Every difficulty a prelude to defeat.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Life in Christ does not mean immunity from difficulties, but it offers peace in difficulties.  It doesn’t mean that victory is always visible, but it is always God’s plan.  One day, you will look back and see the wisdom of God’s ‘no’ at each fork in the road that would have led you away from His best.  You will see that His goodness led you to where you are now.  And you will thank Him for every time He said, ‘I love you way too much to answer that prayer.’

But how do you get from Now to Then?  To that moment when it’s clear that God is good and all is well?

First, realize that infertility is not happening to you, it’s happening for you.  Whatever the Enemy may tempt you to believe, the truth is that God has a purpose for your infertility journey.  There is a reason you are walking this path toward your future.  God intends to strengthen your faith, to demonstrate His faithfulness, and to mature you into the steward He intends you to be for the child who is coming.

The Bible says that:

“’No weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you.  This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and this is their vindication from me,’ declares the LORD.”

Another translation concludes, “’…I’ll see to it that everything works out for the best,’ says the LORD.”  That means, if you trust God, you don’t need to worry.  In fact, you should thank Him for everything — even apparent trials and hardships.  Why?  Because what looks like opposition leads to opportunity.  What seems like difficulty strengthens determination.  What feels like a battle is actually a blessing.

Appearances are deceiving.

So where should you focus?  On what you see?  Think?  Feel?  Or, on what you know to be the truth from the God who keeps His promises?

Let God direct your steps.  He knows what He is doing.  Get in agreement with Him and nothing can stop your destiny – so long as you continue to step out in faith, rather than fear.  So long as appearances don’t deceive you into thinking you’re already defeated, and get you to give up before you get to where God’s leading.

The key to seeing past the illusion of predestined failure to the blessing that awaits is to stay in faith.  Tell God, “I may not understand this plan, and I may not like what I see or think or feel, but I will trust you.  I will believe that the promise ‘all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose’ is for me – and the child you have chosen to come into the life of this family.”

Pray those words as often as you need them.  Put them on your bathroom mirror.  Tape them to your dashboard.  Tack them on your cubicle wall.  Keep God’s promises in front of you, put the lies of the deceiver behind you, and walk confidently into the future God has planned for you.

It’s waiting.

Appearances Can Be Deceiving

Today, it may look like infertility is a permanent road block preventing you from ever reaching your desired destination.  It may seem as if every prayer you pray goes unanswered, God is silent, and all the news is bad.  It may feel like no one cares, there is no cause for hope, and all is lost.

But that is an illusion.  A false perception.   A lie.

In Hebrew the name Satan translates “the deceiver.”   In scripture, he is also called “the father of lies,” and it’s for a reason.  He specializes in whispering disheartening words.  Convincing you that every closed door is a sign of failure.  Every difficulty a prelude to defeat.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Life in Christ does not mean immunity from difficulties, but it offers peace in difficulties.  It doesn’t mean that victory is always visible, but it is always God’s plan.  One day, you will look back and see the wisdom of God’s ‘no’ at each fork in the road that would have led you away from His best.  You will see that His goodness led you to where you are now.  And you will thank Him for every time He said, ‘I love you way too much to answer that prayer.’

But how do you get from Now to Then?  To that moment when it’s clear that God is good and all is well?

First, realize that infertility is not happening to you, it’s happening for you.  Whatever the Enemy may tempt you to believe, the truth is that God has a purpose for your infertility journey.  There is a reason you are walking this path toward your future.  God intends to strengthen your faith, to demonstrate His faithfulness, and to mature you into the steward He intends you to be for the child who is coming.

The Bible says that:

“’No weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you.  This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and this is their vindication from me,’ declares the LORD.”

Another translation concludes, “’…I’ll see to it that everything works out for the best,’ says the LORD.”  That means, if you trust God, you don’t need to worry.  In fact, you should thank Him for everything — even apparent trials and hardships.  Why?  Because what looks like opposition leads to opportunity.  What seems like difficulty strengthens determination.  What feels like a battle is actually a blessing.

Appearances are deceiving.

So where should you focus?  On what you see?  Think?  Feel?  Or, on what you know to be the truth from the God who keeps His promises?

Let God direct your steps.  He knows what He is doing.  Get in agreement with Him and nothing can stop your destiny – so long as you continue to step out in faith, rather than fear.  So long as appearances don’t deceive you into thinking you’re already defeated, and get you to give up before you get to where God’s leading.

The key to seeing past the illusion of predestined failure to the blessing that awaits is to stay in faith.  Tell God, “I may not understand this plan, and I may not like what I see or think or feel, but I will trust you.  I will believe that the promise ‘all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose’ is for me – and the child you have chosen to come into the life of this family.”

Pray those words as often as you need them.  Put them on your bathroom mirror.  Tape them to your dashboard.  Tack them on your cubicle wall.  Keep God’s promises in front of you, put the lies of the deceiver behind you, and walk confidently into the future God has planned for you.

It’s waiting.

Fertility: Pay It Forward

“Here is a unique story with a great outcome.  I was able to use our experience to help Kendra’s mother get comfortable with the biological and ethical issues of the process….”

This is part of an email that landed in my inbox today.  It’s from a man who went through the infertility Bible study I taught for several years.  He and his wife shared their inspirational story in Pregnant with Hope, and they continue to “pay forward” the blessings of God by reaching out to other infertile couples.

He jokes that his wife can’t run an errand without meeting someone who happens to be going through infertility – “she’s like a magnet!”  She takes these encounters very seriously – believing God has pre-ordained them because of her own experience – and so she prays over each of these new friends.  As much as he teases her about it, he seems to be doing his part to pay it forward, too.

Here’s the story he played a small part in, excerpted from a recent newspaper article:

When Kendra Allen lay in a maternity ward at Baptist Hospital in Nashville two years ago, giving birth to a son whose heart had stopped beating, her friend Nita was there. Kendra’s doctors told her she would never be able to have another child. She had developed a serious condition requiring weeks of bed rest and intravenous fluids with her first pregnancy. This pregnancy was even worse, and doctors warned she might not survive a third one.

So, Kendra and her husband began thinking about finding a surrogate mother. Kendra asked Nita and other friends to pray for her.  Nita supported the idea but never thought of herself as a viable candidate. For one thing Nita was almost 49. She also had difficult pregnancies in the past, ruling out a normal delivery. When another surrogate candidate dropped out, though, Nita volunteered.

In January, the two friends were back in the maternity ward. This time, Nita was giving birth, as surrogate mother for the newborn son of Kendra and John. No money ever changed hands; this surrogacy was about faith and friendship.  Both couples believe they have experienced a miracle and are “reveling in the graciousness and generosity of God,” said Kendra. “God is dancing with us and celebrating the life of this child.”

It’s hard to see the blessings in our own seasons of suffering, and hard to imagine that our suffering can be redeemed.  Truth be told, if we were offered a choice between accruing blessings amidst suffering or sidestepping suffering altogether, we’d probably take the latter.

Give me what I want now, and I’ll forgo the blessings later.  That’s the selfish, me-centric perspective that is part of our human nature.

But sometimes, God has a plan that incorporates our current suffering into a miraculous larger story.  The challenge, of course, is that we aren’t told how – or when – the story will unfold.  So, we must trust the author of the story and the promise that “all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose” [Rom 8:28].

Brian, the email’s author, would never have chosen to struggle through infertility.  But, his experience of God’s very real presence in and through it equipped him to talk with Kendra Allen’s mother.  To testify to God’s faithfulness, and to explain what Kendra was contemplating through the perspective of his own journey.  That helped her to be supportive – which was one piece of the larger puzzle that came together to create the picture of a new family.

Why does this matter to you?  It means that nothing you are experiencing is pointless.  It is part of the story that is unfolding in, through, and around you.  A story that is not just about you – but also about God’s faithfulness, purposefulness, and desire to work all things together for good.  He wants to work a miracle in your story, and then, to give you a role to play in other couple’s journeys.

One day, you, too, will have a chance to pay it forward.

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Find more resources and cause for hope at PregnantWithHope.com