Tag Archives: newborn death

Devastated by Loss?

The loss of a pregnancy or a newborn is surely the most devastating part of infertility – and it is often the time when couples feel most alone.  Despite being surrounded by family or friends, caring co-workers or fellow congregants, there is a sense of being singled-out for the worst possible kind of suffering.  The loss is so great – not just the loss of a life, but also the loss of all the dreams that went with it, all the hopes it represented, and all the anticipated joy that is gone in an instant… and seems lost forever.

What does a couple need in a time of such profound heartache?

Tenderness.

Compassion.

Grace.

And wisdom.

Aimee Alexander works at Northside Hospital’s Perinatal Loss unit.  Her hospital delivers 19,000 babies a year.  On average, there is one loss per day.  Even though, statistically, it’s a small number, it is still utterly incomprehensible to every couple crossing Aimee’s path.

How does she comfort them all?   “We can’t change the outcome,” she acknowledged.  “We can’t make babies come back alive – or make people feel better when they don’t, and aren’t ready to.  But, we can try to provide outlets for grief, a sense of hope that they will survive this, and the assurance that they are not alone.”

One of the couples I interviewed for Pregnant with Hope, Amy & Trey, experienced a devastating loss midway through a pregnancy.  “I was put on bedrest, and it was a very rough pregnancy with lots of scares and bleeding along the way,” Amy recalled.  “At 19½ weeks, my water broke and we were forced to deliver the baby, knowing that it would not survive.  We went to the hospital and delivered a little baby boy.”

As Aimee said so often happens, they needed an outlet for grief, a sense of hope that they could survive their loss, and an assurance that they were not alone.  They found all those things through the infertility Bible study that forms the basis for Pregnant with Hope.  Amy said one of the most helpful things they learned was that “when bad things happen, God cries with you.  He doesn’t do bad things to you.  That realization helped me because – when we were angry or I was so hurt, I didn’t necessarily think He was doing bad things to us, but I wondered where He was!  It made me feel better to know that God was hurting with me.”

God does grieve with us when our hearts are broken.  He has tremendous compassion for our suffering.  At the same time, He is able to see beyond the moment of grief to the joy that awaits in the future.  The joy that He knows is coming.  We cannot see it, and so we must trust in – cling to! – His faithfulness.  Even when we don’t understand why something has happened, or how we will ever recover, we can lean into believing that He is a promise-keeping God who longs to give us His very best… and intends to.  Our trust will enable our hearts to heal and our hope to be renewed.

Very few people are willing to attempt what Aimee Alexander does every day – to stand with someone who is overwhelmed with grief, pour love into their heart for as long as it takes, and wait patiently for them to realize:  I’ll be okay.  Very few. But God is always willing, and always able.

He alone has the compassion, love and grace to carry you through grief, the patience to walk alongside you toward the future, and the power to make that future full of joy.

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Find cause for hope & many more resources at PregnantWithHope.com

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Filed under Loss, Peace

Devastated by Loss? Listen to This…

Sarah is a triplet who was six months into her pregnancy when she lost the baby, not long ago.  After a funeral, which her two pregnant sisters attended, Sarah and her husband tried to return to life as normal.  But nothing about losing a baby feels normal.

So, when Sarah’s due date approached, she and her husband headed to Mexico.  At the last minute, she decided to bring a copy of Pregnant with Hope.  She hadn’t struggled with infertility and wasn’t at all sure the book would speak to her, but something made her want to bring it anyway.

She called her mother from the airport a week later.  She sounded truly good for the first time since the baby’s death.  They were back from Mexico, she said, and she couldn’t wait to share some news.  She had read the book while they were there, learned about taking negative thoughts captive, and finally felt some peace.  She was starting to move out of the darkness that accompanied her devastating loss, and beginning to believe she would survive.

God is so faithful.  He knows what we need and when we need it.  He delivers messages of hope and grace to us through the most unexpected sources.  When life is painfully difficult, we are tempted to assume that He is absent – or worse, utterly unconcerned.  The opposite is actually true.  He draws nearer to us, seeking to comfort us in our fragile brokenness.

Losing a baby opens a black hole of despair that makes it hard to think clearly, much less hear God speak to us.  He understands.  So, He sends people to speak words of blessing, mercy and peace over us.  If we can’t – or won’t – hear those, He does not stop trying.  He finds other ways to speak to us.  For Sarah, it was a book from a family friend that materialized just before she left for a quiet, peaceful place.  She began reading, and God whispered the words she needed to hear straight into her heart.

Are you like Sarah – struggling to recover from a heartbreaking loss?  You may not feel able to let anyone near your heart, but God is waiting for the right moment to deliver words of comfort.  He is waiting for you to be still and listen.  Then, He will speak to you in a way you can hear.

When you agree to listen for His voice, you open your mind and heart to timeless truths that can renew your spirit.  You say “yes” to moving out of darkness and into the light He brings.  His words can heal your wounds, and nourish the seed of hope He planted in your heart long ago with sustenance only He can give.

He does not intend for your hope to die.

The Bible says, “No one who trusts God like this – heart and soul – will ever regret it.  It’s exactly the same no matter what a person’s religious background may be:  the same God for all of us, acting the same incredibly generous way to everyone who calls out for help.  Everyone who calls, ‘Help, God!’ gets help.”

Are you grieving?  Do you sense that your dream of becoming a parent is slowly dying?  Listen for the God who deeply desires to comfort you, and ask Him to whisper words that give you peace.

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Find more cause for hope & helpful resources at PregnantWithHope.com

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Filed under Loss, Peace, Perspective

Surviving a Heartbreaking Loss

The loss of a pregnancy or a newborn is surely the most devastating part of infertility – and it is often the time when couples feel most alone.  Despite being surrounded by family or friends, caring co-workers or fellow congregants, there is a sense of being singled-out for the worst possible kind of suffering.  The loss is so great – not just the loss of a life, but also the loss of all the dreams that went with it, all the hopes it represented, and all the anticipated joy that is gone in an instant… and seems lost forever.

What does a couple need in a time of such profound heartache?

Tenderness.

Compassion.

Grace.

And wisdom.

Aimee Alexander works at Northside Hospital’s Perinatal Loss unit.  Her hospital delivers 19,000 babies a year.  On average, there is one loss per day.  Even though, statistically, it’s a small number, it is still utterly incomprehensible to every couple crossing Aimee’s path.

How does she comfort them all?   “We can’t change the outcome,” she acknowledged.  “We can’t make babies come back alive – or make people feel better when they don’t, and aren’t ready to.  But, we can try to provide outlets for grief, a sense of hope that they will survive this, and the assurance that they are not alone.”

One of the couples I interviewed for Pregnant with Hope, Amy & Trey, experienced a devastating loss midway through a pregnancy.  “I was put on bedrest, and it was a very rough pregnancy with lots of scares and bleeding along the way,” Amy recalled.  “At 19½ weeks, my water broke and we were forced to deliver the baby, knowing that it would not survive.  We went to the hospital and delivered a little baby boy.”

As Aimee said so often happens, they needed an outlet for grief, a sense of hope that they could survive their loss, and an assurance that they were not alone.  They found all those things through the infertility Bible study that forms the basis for Pregnant with Hope.  Amy said one of the most helpful things they learned was that “when bad things happen, God cries with you.  He doesn’t do bad things to you.  That realization helped me because – when we were angry or I was so hurt, I didn’t necessarily think He was doing bad things to us, but I wondered where He was!  It made me feel better to know that God was hurting with me.”

God does grieve with us when our hearts are broken.  He has tremendous compassion for our suffering.  At the same time, He is able to see beyond the moment of grief to the joy that awaits in the future.  The joy that He knows is coming.  We cannot see it, and so we must trust in – cling to! – His faithfulness.  Even when we don’t understand why something has happened, or how we will ever recover, we can lean into believing that He is a promise-keeping God who longs to give us His very best… and intends to.  Our trust will enable our hearts to heal and our hope to be renewed.

Very few people are willing to attempt what Aimee Alexander does every day – to stand with someone who is overwhelmed with grief, pour love into their heart for as long as it takes, and wait patiently for them to realize:  I’ll be okay.  Very few. But God is always willing, and always able.

He alone has the compassion, love and grace to carry you through grief, the patience to walk alongside you toward the future, and the power to make that future full of joy.

==================================================

Find cause for hope & many more resources at PregnantWithHope.com

Leave a comment

Filed under Loss, Peace

Infertility and Surviving a Loss

The loss of a pregnancy or a newborn is surely the most devastating part of infertility – and it is often the time when couples feel most alone.  Despite being surrounded by family or friends, caring co-workers or fellow congregants, there is a sense of being singled-out for the worst possible kind of suffering.  The loss is so great – not just the loss of a life, but also the loss of all the dreams that went with it, all the hopes it represented, and all the anticipated joy that is gone in an instant… and seems lost forever.

What does a couple need in a time of such profound heartache?

Tenderness.

Compassion.

Grace.

And wisdom.

Aimee Alexander works at Northside Hospital’s Perinatal Loss unit.  Her hospital delivers 19,000 babies a year.  On average, there is one loss per day.  Even though, statistically, it’s a small number, it is still utterly incomprehensible to every couple that crosses Aimee’s path.  How does she comfort them all?   “We can’t change the outcome,” she acknowledged.  “We can’t make babies come back alive – or make people feel better when they don’t, and aren’t ready to.  But, we can try to provide outlets for grief, a sense of hope that they will survive this, and the assurance that they are not alone.”

One of the couples I interviewed for Pregnant with Hope, Amy & Trey, experienced a devastating loss midway through a pregnancy.  “I was put on bedrest, and it was a very rough pregnancy with lots of scares and bleeding along the way,” Amy recalled.  “At 19½ weeks, my water broke and we were forced to deliver the baby, knowing that it would not survive.  We went to the hospital and delivered a little baby boy.”

As Aimee said so often happens, they needed an outlet for grief, a sense of hope that they could survive their loss, and an assurance that they were not alone.  They found all those things through the infertility Bible study that forms the basis for Pregnant with Hope.  Amy said one of the most helpful things they learned was that “when bad things happen, God cries with you.  He doesn’t do bad things to you.  That realization helped me because – when we were angry or I was so hurt, I didn’t necessarily think He was doing bad things to us, but I wondered where He was!  It made me feel better to know that God was hurting with me.”

God does grieve with us when our hearts are broken.  He has tremendous compassion for our suffering.  At the same time, He is able to see beyond the moment of grief to the joy that awaits in the future.  The joy that He knows is coming.  We cannot see it, and so we must trust in – cling to! – His faithfulness.  Even when we don’t understand why something has happened, or how we will ever recover, we can lean into believing that He is a promise-keeping God who longs to give us His very best… and intends to.  Our trust will enable our hearts to heal and our hope to be renewed.

Very few people are willing to attempt what Aimee Alexander does every day – to stand with someone who is overwhelmed with grief, pour love into their heart for as long as it takes, and wait patiently for them to realize:  I’ll be okay.  Very few. But God is always willing, and always able.

He alone has the compassion, love and grace to carry you through grief, the patience to walk alongside you toward the future, and the power to make that future full of joy.

===================================================

Find more resources and cause for hope at PregnantWithHope.com [tweetmeme source=”pregnantwhope” only_single=false]

Leave a comment

Filed under Loss, Peace