A Pre-Mother’s Day Pep Talk

Have you ever had a day that’s so bad you want to spread some misery around?

Not long ago, I had a horrible stomach bug.  I struggled with raging fevers that left me alternately freezing and melting.  The trashcans were overflowing with Kleenex, and I couldn’t even muster the energy to empty them.  What a perfect time to write a Misery Loves Company post… just in time for Mother’s Day!

Don’t worry.

I didn’t.

But it was tempting.

Lots of internet writers seem to think spreading misery is a great idea.  A quick online search found loads of despair waiting to be shared on blogs and in tweets posted in the last 24 hours.  There’s something about Mother’s Day approaching that tips infertile women over emotionally, making a difficult struggle suddenly feel impossibly unmanageable.  And sharing some misery with the world is so cathartic:  Come bond with me!  We’ll be miserable together!

It’s a trap.  Don’t fall in.

The temptation to wallow in self-pity is a powerful one.  We tell ourselves it doesn’t hurt anyone – and believe it can actually help.  But really, it doesn’t.

Dwelling on despair makes hope feel much further away than it actually is.  It makes God’s purposefulness seem veiled and impenetrable.  It gives us an ever-expanding laundry list of reasons to grieve, resent, and give up.  None of which makes this journey any easier.

“Our lives are the expression of the thoughts that lie behind them, and of the thoughts that inspire them.”  – Marjorie Jackson

Especially now, as Mother’s Day approaches, it matters what you feed your mind and spirit.  A steady diet of hopeless messages may seem to satisfy your hunger, but it will actually starve you of the strength you need for the journey.

Unless you’ve chosen to give up on the dream of parenthood – deciding it’s too arduous a journey and no longer worth the effort – you need to FOCUS:

– On why you are doing this:  God planted a seed of hope in your heart.  And He did it for a reason.

– On why you have hope:  “All things work together for good for those who love God, and are called according to His purpose” {Romans 8:28].

– On where you find your strength:  “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” [Ephesians 4:13].

– On how you resist self-pity:  “The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure” [I Corinthians 10:13].

– On how your story will end:  “I (God) will pour out My spirit on your offspring, and My blessing on your descendants” [Isaiah 44:34].

God has given you the power to alter the course of your journey with your thoughts.  They will express themselves in the life that unfolds before you.  You are certainly justified in thinking thoughts of failure and defeat.  But, you are also justified in thinking thoughts of strength, sufficiency and victory.  Which will it be?

Use your power wisely.  And be thankful for this Mother’s Day gift.

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For inspiration, cause for hope, and useful resources, click this link.

Infertility on Mother’s Day

It’s the worst:  sitting in the pew, watching as more and more women stand in response to the pastor’s annual question.  “How many of you are new mothers this year?  Please stand.  How many are mothers of two children?  Please stand.  How many mothers of three children?  Please stand – and all of you stay standing.  How many mothers of four children?  Of five?  Of six?  More than six?!  Oh my goodness gracious!”

That’s our pastor’s verbal salute to the mothers of the congregation.

In response, every year, the congregants give a round of applause.  Flowers are handed to the mother(s) with the most children, and then all the hundreds of mothers beam and look slightly embarrassed… but remain standing.  For what feels like five minutes.

I’ve noticed other women in our congregation also stand every year.  They’re the ones who do their best to slip out discreetly when they realize this is a nightmare.  Tears streaming, heads down, arms folded protectively across breaking hearts, they scoot up the side aisles – trying to escape the grief that will follow them out of the sanctuary and into the world.

It’s Mother’s Day.  And some women still aren’t mothers.

What do you say to the God who watches silently?  The God who has heard and answered the prayers of countless women – all of whom get a round of applause?  Did He hear the prayers of infertile women?  Yes?  Then why didn’t He answer?

That is the question no minister tackles on Mother’s Day:  Why, God?

No one’s willing to shatter the silence – to talk about one of the deepest, most painful secrets couples can share.  And so, the stigma that compounds suffering remains intact.  As does the unspoken consensus that infertility is a curse – or at least, the absence of a much-desired blessing.  But, why?  No one seems willing to say.

Pregnant with Hope: Good News for Infertile Couples was written to speak scripture-based, God-inspired hope into the deafening silence around infertility.  The kind of hope that has the power to transform circumstances and change lives.

Clergy have not been silent in response.  They have been unanimous in their praise:

“Beautifully written – full of excellent theology and pastoral compassion.  I wish this resource had been available for the past 30 years.”

“An incredible resource for those working to foster environments in which lives are transformed and hope is found.”

“It invites couples on a journey of hope and healing of the kind only God can give.  This is a book for struggling couples, and for those of us who love them and often don’t know what to say or do.  I’m so thankful for this resource.”

“Amazing and much-needed.”

“As a psychologist, and as a pastor for 30 years in the African-American community, I have long awaited a book like this.  It gives me a significant, practical, spiritual tool to serve couples who find themselves facing infertility.”

This Mother’s Day, give yourself the gift of answers to your most pressing questions.  Let Pregnant with Hope help you hear the voice of the God who has heard your prayers.  Once you see and understand what He is doing, in and through your infertility journey, you will find peace in the midst of uncertainty.

And one day, it will be your turn to stand when you hear, “How many of you are new mothers this year?”

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P.S. Forward this blog to your pastor, or send me his/her email and I will do so on your behalf (susan@pregnantwithhope.com).  The only way to be heard is to speak up.  Happy Mother’s Day to all the future moms!  XO, Susan

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Find more resources and cause for hope at PregnantWithHope.com