The Value of Spiritual Support

Why, if her own infertility journey is over, would a woman choose to work with infertile women?  Lisa Graham does it because she has a servant’s heart, and because it is a joy to watch God work in the lives of women who entrust their stories to her.

Seven years ago, after her own journey made her aware of the profound lack of spiritual support for women battling infertility, Lisa was urged to start a prayer group for infertile women.  A friend told her, “You should get women together, share your stories, and pray for one another.”  At first, Lisa felt intimidated by the idea of being the leader.  But another woman agreed to partner with her, and the two of them launched a unique ministry.

“We meet once a month,” Lisa explained.  “We go around the circle and everyone shares what’s happened to them since we last met:  test results, where they are in their cycle, the next doctor’s appointment….  Sometimes, there are losses to share.  And almost always tears.  Then, we anoint each woman with oil and pray for her.  Every month, we say, ‘Jesus is in the house!’  You can feel his presence in the room.”

Talking about infertility makes many people very uncomfortable.  Unfortunately, that includes those who are expected to embody the love and compassion of Christ during times of struggle and heartache.  According to E.W. Carter of the Regional Council of Churches, “Clergy don’t know how to talk about infertility in the 21^st century.  So, when faced with the unfulfilled longing for a child, they are often silent.”

That silence can make infertile couples – especially women – feel judged, marginalized and neglected.  Lisa Graham’s prayer group models one simple solution to this problem.

“It’s amazing to me that there aren’t more churches doing this, but we are the only group like this in Atlanta.  Every month, Christians, Jews and non-believers gather together to honor God, to share their burdens, and to support one another.  It is a simple ministry, but it’s very powerful.  We see so many miracles – women getting pregnant after their doctors have said they can’t, women conceiving naturally after IVF has failed… we know God is at work.”

Luke tells the story of the Pharisees insisting Jesus rebuke his disciples for calling out praises to God for the miracles they’ve seen.  Jesus’ response is “If they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.”

That is how “alumni” of Lisa’s prayer group — who are now mothers — feel about acknowledging God’s role in their stories.  Many of them return to the group every month to pray with and for other women.  They feel compelled to share the good news of their own experiences with those in desperate need of hope and inspiration.

“We praise God for what He does, and we claim His promises for one another,” said Lisa.  “The rest is up to Him.”

Might you — or someone you know — benefit from a group like Lisa’s?  If so, consider forwarding a link to this blogpost to your ministry team or your doctor.  Let them know there is a simple way to deliver meaningful support.  If you prefer to protect your privacy, feel free to send their contact information to me (susan@pregnantwithhope.com) and I will  send them information information on how and why to start a prayer group.

Remember:  The God who is so generous and faithful that He must be praised or “the stones will cry out” is ready and waiting to help all those who call on Him.  What are you waiting for?

=====================================================

Find more resources and cause for hope at PregnantWithHope.com

Community Benefits Infertile Couples

Harvard Medical School recently completed a study indicating that a woman’s chances of conceiving improve by more than 50% with involvement in an infertility support group.

That would seem to simplify the decision process – should I/we join a group? – fairly substantially. But the truth is, pride and a longing for privacy can be hard hurdles to clear. Even if Harvard’s right, are those increased odds going to be enough to alter the outcome of your story? And if not, is the public exposure of your private struggle worth the downside risk?

Author Barbara Brown Taylor thinks so, and her reasons are worth considering. In her new book, An Altar in the World, she writes, “At the very least, most of us need someone to tell our stories to. At a deeper level, most of us need someone to help us forget ourselves … [because] the main impediment to living a life of meaning is being self-absorbed.”

Anyone who’s experienced infertility can tell you that self-absorption is par for the course.

It’s human nature to be self-absorbed. We’re all  inclined to see ourselves as the stars of our own story – and everyone else as the supporting actors, bit part players and non-essential walk-ons. Social media like YouTube and Twitter reinforce that perception with their subliminal message: “It’s all about you.”

When infertility strikes, our story takes such a dramatic turn, we become hyper-aware of the spotlight. Anticipating social scrutiny, we instinctively seek privacy (or, at least, internet anonymity). We don’t want  our “audience” to see anything other than our success; this uncertainty feeds our fear of failure. We want applause, not pity or patronizing advice; this vulnerability fuels our desire for secrecy.

Ultimately, we want the public perception of us to match our highly-prized self-image. We are successes, not failures. We are good people destined to become great parents… aren’t we? Afraid to expose our feelings honestly, we struggle alone — doing all we can to hide the truth of our long, difficult journey.

Taylor makes clear that there is a better way:  seeking to share our true selves with others who are also struggling. “Encountering another human being is as close to God as I may ever get – in the eye-to-eye thing, the person-to-person thing – which is where God’s Beloved has promised to show up.” In other words, if we are to find God in the midst of this journey, it may well be through others making the same journey.

“Paradoxically,” she continues, “the point is not to see Him. The point is to see the person standing right in front of me whose heart holds things for which there is no language, whose life is an unsolved mystery.” Can we set aside our own struggles long enough to be fully present for someone else? Someone who also needs to sense God’s presence — through us?

If we are to benefit from community, we must. Otherwise “the moment I turn that person into a character in my own story, the encounter is over. I have stopped being a human being and have become a fiction writer instead.”

There’s the valuable insight.

Community gives us an opportunity to share our stories and be heard. It also requires us to set aside our tendency to think of everything in terms of our selves. Rather than being fiction writers, we can offer the very real gifts of presence, compassionate listening, and sincere support. If we do, an infertility support community will not only increase our odds of conceiving, it will enable us to help others increase theirs, too.

All in the presence of God.

Spiritual Support for Infertile Women

Why, if her own infertility journey is over, would a woman choose to work with infertile women?  Lisa Graham does it because she has a servant’s heart, and because it is a joy to watch God work in the lives of women who entrust their stories to her.

Seven years ago, after her own journey made her aware of the profound lack of spiritual support for women battling infertility, Lisa was urged to start a prayer group for infertile women.  A friend told her, “You should get women together, share your stories, and pray for one another.”  At first, Lisa felt intimidated by the idea of being the leader.  But another woman agreed to partner with her, and the two of them launched a unique ministry.

“We meet once a month,” Lisa explained.  “We go around the circle and everyone shares what’s happened to them since we last met:  test results, where they are in their cycle, the next doctor’s appointment….  Sometimes, there are losses to share.  And almost always tears.  Then, we anoint each woman with oil and pray for her.  Every month, we say, ‘Jesus is in the house!’  You can feel his presence in the room.”

Talking about infertility makes many people very uncomfortable.  Unfortunately, that includes those who are expected to embody the love and compassion of Christ during times of struggle and heartache.  According to E.W. Carter of the Regional Council of Churches, “Clergy don’t know how to talk about infertility in the 21^st century.  So, when faced with the unfulfilled longing for a child, they are often silent.”

That silence can make infertile couples – especially women – feel judged, marginalized and neglected.  Lisa Graham’s prayer group models one simple solution to this problem.

“It’s amazing to me that there aren’t more churches doing this, but we are the only group like this in Atlanta.  Every month, Christians, Jews and non-believers gather together to honor God, to share their burdens, and to support one another.  It is a simple ministry, but it’s very powerful.  We see so many miracles – women getting pregnant after their doctors have said they can’t, women conceiving naturally after IVF has failed… we know God is at work.”

Luke tells the story of the Pharisees insisting Jesus rebuke his disciples for calling out praises to God for the miracles they’ve seen.  Jesus’ response is “If they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.”

That is how “alumni” of Lisa’s prayer group — who are now mothers — feel about acknowledging God’s role in their stories.  Many of them return to the group every month to pray with and for other women.  They feel compelled to share the good news of their own experiences with those in desperate need of hope and inspiration.

“We praise God for what He does, and we claim His promises for one another,” said Lisa.  “The rest is up to Him.”

Might you — or someone you know — benefit from a group like Lisa’s?  If so, consider forwarding a link to this blogpost to your ministry team or your doctor.  Let them know there is a simple way to deliver meaningful support.  If you prefer to protect your privacy, feel free to send their contact information to me (susan@pregnantwithhope.com) and I will  send them information information on how and why to start a prayer group.

Remember:  The God who is so generous and faithful that He must be praised or “the stones will cry out” is ready and waiting to help all those who call on Him.  What are you waiting for?

=====================================================

Find more resources and cause for hope at PregnantWithHope.com

Infertility & the Power of Prayer

Why, if her own infertility journey is over, would a woman choose to work with infertile women?  Not for the money.  She does it for free, despite her own family’s financial needs.  Not for the recognition.  Few people outside the insular world of infertility even know what she does.

Lisa Graham works with infertile women because she has a servant’s heart, and because it is a joy to watch God work in the lives of women who entrust their stories to her.

Seven years ago, after her own journey made her aware of the profound lack of spiritual support for women battling infertility, Lisa was urged to start a prayer group for infertile women.  A friend told her, “You should get women together, share your stories, and pray for one another.”  At first, Lisa felt intimidated by the idea of being the leader.  But another woman, “who knew scripture much better than I did” agreed to partner with her, and the two women launched a unique ministry.

“We meet once a month,” Lisa explained.  “We go around the circle and everyone shares what’s happened to them since we last met:  test results, where they are in their cycle, the next doctor’s appointment….  Sometimes, there are losses to share.  And almost always tears.  Then, we anoint each woman with oil and pray for her.  Every month, we say, ‘Jesus is in the house!’  You can feel his presence in the room.”

Talking about infertility makes many people very uncomfortable.  Unfortunately, that includes those who are expected to minister to us during times of struggle and heartache.  E.W. Carter of the Regional Council of Churches said, “Clergy don’t know how to talk about infertility in the 21^st century, so, when faced with the unfulfilled longing for a child, they are often silent.”  That silence can make infertile couples – especially women – feel judged, neglected, and marginalized.  Lisa Graham’s prayer group models one simple solution to this problem.

“It’s amazing to me that there aren’t more churches doing this, but we are the only group like this in Atlanta.  Every month, Christians, Jews and non-believers gather together to honor God, to share their burdens, and to support one another.  It is a simple ministry, but it’s very powerful.  We see so many miracles – women getting pregnant after their doctors have said they can’t, women conceiving naturally after IVF has failed… we know God is at work.”

Luke tells the story of the Pharisees insisting Jesus rebuke his disciples for calling out praises to God for the miracles they’ve seen.  Jesus’ response is “If they keep quiet, the stones will cry out” [Luke 19:40].

That is how “alumni” of Lisa’s prayer group — who are now mothers — feel about acknowledging God’s role in their stories.  Many of them return to the group every month to pray with and for other women.  They feel compelled to share the good news of their own experiences with those in desperate need of hope and inspiration.  “We praise God for what He does, and we claim His promises for one another,” said Lisa.  “The rest is up to Him.”

As National Infertility Awareness Week approaches (Apr 24-May1), consider whether you — or someone you know — might benefit from a group like Lisa’s.  If so, forward a link to this blogpost to your ministry team or your doctor and let them know there is a simple way to deliver meaningful support.  If you prefer to protect your privacy, feel free to send their contact information to me (susan@pregnantwithhope.com) and I will  forward information on how and why to start a prayer group.

Remember:  The God who is so generous and faithful that He must be praised or “the stones will cry out” is ready and waiting to help all those who call on Him.  What are you waiting for?

=====================================================

Find more resources and cause for hope at PregnantWithHope.com