Don’t Be Fooled…

Today, it may look like infertility is a permanent road block preventing you from ever reaching your desired destination.  It may seem as if every prayer you pray goes unanswered, God is silent, and all the news is bad.  It may feel like no one cares, there is no cause for hope, and all is lost.

But that is an illusion.  A false perception.   A lie.

In Hebrew the name Satan translates “the deceiver.”   In scripture, he is also called “the father of lies,” and it’s for a reason.  He specializes in whispering disheartening words.  Convincing you that every closed door is a sign of failure.  Every difficulty a prelude to defeat.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Life in Christ does not mean immunity from difficulties, but it offers peace in difficulties.  It doesn’t mean that victory is always visible, but it is always God’s plan.  One day, you will look back and see the wisdom of God’s ‘no’ at each fork in the road that would have led you away from His best.  You will see that His goodness led you to where you are now.  And you will thank Him for every time He said, ‘I love you way too much to answer that prayer.’

But how do you get from Now to Then?  To that moment when it’s clear that God is good and all is well?

First, realize that infertility is not happening to you, it’s happening for you.  Whatever the Enemy may tempt you to believe, the truth is that God has a purpose for your infertility journey.  There is a reason you are walking this path toward your future.  God intends to strengthen your faith, to demonstrate His faithfulness, and to mature you into the steward He intends you to be for the child who is coming.

The Bible says that:

“’No weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you.  This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and this is their vindication from me,’ declares the LORD.”

Another translation concludes, “’…I’ll see to it that everything works out for the best,’ says the LORD.”  That means, if you trust God, you don’t need to worry.  In fact, you should thank Him for everything — even apparent trials and hardships.  Why?  Because what looks like opposition leads to opportunity.  What seems like difficulty strengthens determination.  What feels like a battle is actually a blessing.

Appearances are deceiving.

So where should you focus?  On what you see?  Think?  Feel?  Or, on what you know to be the truth from the God who keeps His promises?

Let God direct your steps.  He knows what He is doing.  Get in agreement with Him and nothing can stop your destiny – so long as you continue to step out in faith, rather than fear.  So long as appearances don’t deceive you into thinking you’re already defeated, and get you to give up before you get to where God’s leading.

The key to seeing past the illusion of predestined failure to the blessing that awaits is to stay in faith.  Tell God, “I may not understand this plan, and I may not like what I see or think or feel, but I will trust you.  I will believe that the promise ‘all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose’ is for me – and the child you have chosen to come into the life of this family.”

Pray those words as often as you need them.  Put them on your bathroom mirror.  Tape them to your dashboard.  Tack them on your cubicle wall.  Keep God’s promises in front of you, put the lies of the deceiver behind you, and walk confidently into the future God has planned for you.

It’s waiting.

The Amazing Power of Praise

Some of the best discussion in the infertility Bible study comes in response to what seems like nonsensical advice:  Praise God for what you can’t see happening.  “Why should we, and how could we?” couples ask.  On the surface, the advice sounds ridiculous.  It seems absurdly Pollyanna to believe that seeing the bright side could somehow make it so.

But, it can.

Here’s what I mean.

Our praise releases the power of God into our lives.  When we dwell on the negative, on our feelings of powerlessness and despair, we invite the power of darkness into our spirits.  But, the opposite is also true.  When we concentrate our attention on the goodness of God and our knowledge of His faithfulness, we invite the power of the Holy Spirit to activate the word of God in us.  That changes everything.

“So, what do you thank God for when everything seems to be falling apart?” couples want to know.  “How can we praise Him when nothing is going according to (our) plan?  When the nurse calls with discouraging results… there are no eggs to harvest… the IVF fails… the birth mother changes her mind… our options are limited and the future looks bleak?”

Praise Him for sustaining you, and thank God for hope.  The Bible makes clear that what we see is not all there is.  In fact, it is in walking by faith and not by sight that we can “see” cause for hope.

Still at a loss?  Then speak these words of the psalmist:

But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more… til I declare your power to the next generation, your might to all who are to come.

Do those words feel relevant?  You want hope.  You’d love to declare God’s goodness to the next generation — your children, who came into your life despite all the struggles of infertility.  Even if it is hard for you to imagine saying these words with conviction, offer them with sincerity.  Pray them with a desire to see God demonstrate that your faith is justified.

“What if I can’t?  How do I praise God when I feel angry, resentful and hurt?”  You acknowledge the truth of your feelings, and then acknowledge a greater, timeless truth:  God is faithful.  How do you do that when you’re awash in powerful feelings?  Voice them, too!  Look again to the words of the psalmist:

Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter,… I will praise you for your faithfulness.

“Why praise God when I’m the one doing all the work and experiencing all this suffering?”  Because you’re not doing it alone.  You are surrounded by countless provisions every day, sent to you by the God who loves you and will sustain you.

Bottom line:  If you can’t praise God for His sake, then do it for for your own:

1) Praise strengthens you – It focuses your mind on God, helping you be attentive to His presence, His voice and His will.  That attentiveness strengthens your courage; you know you are not alone.  It fortifies your hope; you know your steps are guided by the One who is with you.  And, it reinforces your faith; as you exercise trust, you build your ability to believe in God’s promise-keeping faithfulness.

2) Praise also anticipates victory – It encourages optimism, regardless of the moment’s circumstances.  It leans into believing what can only be seen through eyes of faith — which delights the heart of the Father.  It makes everything different, even as it appears to remain the same, because it rests in the assurance of a powerful truth:  “all things are possible.”

Learning to trust and affirm God’s promises, despite today’s circumstances, is the great test of faith.  When we say, “Lord, despite what I see, I still believe all things are possible,” He stands ready to prove once again, “those who hope in me will not be disappointed.”

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For more inspiration and cause for hope, click this link to visit PregnantWithHope.com

Appearances Can Be Deceiving

Today, it may look like infertility is a permanent road block preventing you from ever reaching your desired destination.  It may seem as if every prayer you pray goes unanswered, God is silent, and all the news is bad.  It may feel like no one cares, there is no cause for hope, and all is lost.

But that is an illusion.  A false perception.   A lie.

In Hebrew the name Satan translates “the deceiver.”   In scripture, he is also called “the father of lies,” and it’s for a reason.  He specializes in whispering disheartening words.  Convincing you that every closed door is a sign of failure.  Every difficulty a prelude to defeat.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Life in Christ does not mean immunity from difficulties, but it offers peace in difficulties.  It doesn’t mean that victory is always visible, but it is always God’s plan.  One day, you will look back and see the wisdom of God’s ‘no’ at each fork in the road that would have led you away from His best.  You will see that His goodness led you to where you are now.  And you will thank Him for every time He said, ‘I love you way too much to answer that prayer.’

But how do you get from Now to Then?  To that moment when it’s clear that God is good and all is well?

First, realize that infertility is not happening to you, it’s happening for you.  Whatever the Enemy may tempt you to believe, the truth is that God has a purpose for your infertility journey.  There is a reason you are walking this path toward your future.  God intends to strengthen your faith, to demonstrate His faithfulness, and to mature you into the steward He intends you to be for the child who is coming.

The Bible says that:

“’No weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you.  This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and this is their vindication from me,’ declares the LORD.”

Another translation concludes, “’…I’ll see to it that everything works out for the best,’ says the LORD.”  That means, if you trust God, you don’t need to worry.  In fact, you should thank Him for everything — even apparent trials and hardships.  Why?  Because what looks like opposition leads to opportunity.  What seems like difficulty strengthens determination.  What feels like a battle is actually a blessing.

Appearances are deceiving.

So where should you focus?  On what you see?  Think?  Feel?  Or, on what you know to be the truth from the God who keeps His promises?

Let God direct your steps.  He knows what He is doing.  Get in agreement with Him and nothing can stop your destiny – so long as you continue to step out in faith, rather than fear.  So long as appearances don’t deceive you into thinking you’re already defeated, and get you to give up before you get to where God’s leading.

The key to seeing past the illusion of predestined failure to the blessing that awaits is to stay in faith.  Tell God, “I may not understand this plan, and I may not like what I see or think or feel, but I will trust you.  I will believe that the promise ‘all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose’ is for me – and the child you have chosen to come into the life of this family.”

Pray those words as often as you need them.  Put them on your bathroom mirror.  Tape them to your dashboard.  Tack them on your cubicle wall.  Keep God’s promises in front of you, put the lies of the deceiver behind you, and walk confidently into the future God has planned for you.

It’s waiting.

The Power of Praise

Some of the best discussion in the infertility Bible study comes in response to what seems like nonsensical advice:  Praise God for what you can’t see happening.  “Why should we, and how could we?” couples ask.  On the surface, the advice sounds ridiculous.  It seems absurdly Pollyanna to believe that seeing the bright side could somehow make it so.

But, it can.

Here’s what I mean.

Our praise releases the power of God into our lives.  When we dwell on the negative, on our feelings of powerlessness and despair, we invite the power of darkness into our spirits.  But, the opposite is also true.  When we concentrate our attention on the goodness of God and our knowledge of His faithfulness, we invite the power of the Holy Spirit to activate the word of God in us.  That changes everything.

“So, what do you thank God for when everything seems to be falling apart?” couples want to know.  “How can we praise Him when nothing is going according to (our) plan?  When the nurse calls with discouraging results… there are no eggs to harvest… the IVF fails… the birth mother changes her mind… our options are limited and the future looks bleak?”

Praise Him for sustaining you, and thank God for hope.  The Bible makes clear that what we see is not all there is.  In fact, it is in walking by faith and not by sight that we can “see” cause for hope.

Still at a loss?  Then speak these words of the psalmist:

But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more… til I declare your power to the next generation, your might to all who are to come.

Do those words feel relevant?  You want hope.  You’d love to declare God’s goodness to the next generation — your children, who came into your life despite all the struggles of infertility.  Even if it is hard for you to imagine saying these words with conviction, offer them with sincerity.  Pray them with a desire to see God demonstrate that your faith is justified.

“What if I can’t?  How do I praise God when I feel angry, resentful and hurt?”  You acknowledge the truth of your feelings, and then acknowledge a greater, timeless truth:  God is faithful.  How do you do that when you’re awash in powerful feelings?  Voice them, too!  Look again to the words of the psalmist:

Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter,… I will praise you for your faithfulness.

“Why praise God when I’m the one doing all the work and experiencing all this suffering?”  Because you’re not doing it alone.  You are surrounded by countless provisions every day, sent to you by the God who loves you and will sustain you.

Bottom line:  If you can’t praise God for His sake, then do it for for your own:

1) Praise strengthens you – It focuses your mind on God, helping you be attentive to His presence, His voice and His will.  That attentiveness strengthens your courage; you know you are not alone.  It fortifies your hope; you know your steps are guided by the One who is with you.  And, it reinforces your faith; as you exercise trust, you build your ability to believe in God’s promise-keeping faithfulness.

2) Praise also anticipates victory – It encourages optimism, regardless of the moment’s circumstances.  It leans into believing what can only be seen through eyes of faith — which delights the heart of the Father.  It makes everything different, even as it appears to remain the same, because it rests in the assurance of a powerful truth:  “all things are possible.”

Learning to trust and affirm God’s promises, despite today’s circumstances, is the great test of faith.  When we say, “Lord, despite what I see, I still believe all things are possible,” He stands ready to prove once again, “those who hope in me will not be disappointed.”

==============================================================

For more inspiration and cause for hope, click this link to visit PregnantWithHope.com

When God Says, “No”

I was raised with a can-do spirit.  It gives me incredible satisfaction to tackle something I’ve never tried before and discover I can do it.  So, no surprise… that was my strategy for getting pregnant.  I figured:  it’s not rocket science, my parents did it on their honeymoon (and they weren’t even trying), and we’ll get it done in no time.

So, yeah… about that….

Our failure was disappointing, but not devastating.  Devastation would come further down the road.  After months of trying, then discovering I wasn’t even ovulating.  After blood draws, ultrasounds, injections, surgeries, miscarriages, and more.  Why did we have to go through so much pain to get to parenthood?  Why did it have to hurt so much – for so long – before we reached a time of joy and gratitude?

The Bible says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”   Hmmmmm.  Was that the case with me?  Put it this way….

I have come to believe that, sometimes, God’s best for me is a “no.”  “No” to my plan.  “No” to my timetable.  “No” to me being in control.  In the moment, that message causes so much pain.  It hurts my heart (don’t you love me, God?), my spirit (can I still trust you, God?), and my mind (this makes no sense, God!).  If I’m honest, I’ll admit it also wounds my pride (I resent this, God).

All too often, I want to be in control and accomplish my plan on my timetable.  Efficiently.  Effectively.  Apparently, effortlessly.  I secretly want to say, “I did it!”  Sometimes (despite the fact that I think I’m a great planner), God can see that my plan isn’t going to lead to His best for me.  So,  He says, “no” to my plan… and also, to my pride.

But, that’s not the end of the story.  When God’s “yes” comes, I can see in hindsight how His “no” set the stage for something better.  Something I could never have achieved without Him.  And I am reminded that His “no” wasn’t punishment given in anger; it was full of grace. 

Too often, infertile couples think of God as having the power to work with us, but refusing to.  That’s aggravating (!), especially for Type A personalities.  We want people on our team who are going to execute our plans, on our timetables – as in, “work with me, or get out of my way.”

But God’s not a subordinate with a performance appraisal pending.  We can’t threaten to fire Him if He doesn’t meet our expectations.  Sure, we can disengage and refuse to communicate with Him.  But as soon as we reach a dead-end, we’ll discover that we need Him much more than He needs us.

Remember:  God has the power – and the desire – to move us toward the dream of parenting.  He planted the seed of hope in us for a reason!  But first, there needs to be a change in us.  A willingness to admit, “I can’t do it all; only You can, God.”

Those words of humility and trust are the best offering we can make.  They  honestly admit our limitations (which are no secret to God) and our need for help & real hope (which are our free gifts from God).  The next time you hear, “no,” try seeing it as an indication that God is steering you toward His very best.  You may not like the process, but trust me — you will love the outcome.

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For more inspiration, resources and cause for hope, click this link now.

Finding Hope During Infertility

My favorite blogger, Jon Acuff, wrote about hope yesterday.  I don’t know if he ever went through infertility—most guys don’t seem to volunteer that information—but he definitely understands how it can feel to long for hope.  To think you’ve grasped it, and then feel it slipping away.  He writes:

“Hope is one of the first things that disappears when you get lost.  Your ability to see beyond your current circumstances is chased south by the shadows.  Your ability to dream and plan and hold visions close to your chest fades until hope feels foreign and far away.”

He’s right, and it can happen in an instant.  One minute, you think this could be the month when everything changes, when all the meds and shots and office visits and heartache become worth it.  Your hopes are high… the counts look good… and then…  no heartbeat on the ultrasound.

No baby.

As the shadows deepen and the realization chases hope away, a part of you knows you’ve got to reboot and psych up to do it all again.  Muster some more hope, even if you’re not feeling it.  Because otherwise, how are you going to keep doing this?  And what other choice do you have?

As the tears start to fall, you wonder, will it ever happen for us?  Jon writes:

“There’s a temptation to believe you’re doing something wrong if you don’t feel hopeful 24/7.”

That’s a trap a lot of us fall into, thinking “it’s all about me and what I did (or didn’t do).”  We start doubting the hope that seemed so prescient just before we got the news.  We begin thinking that this moment’s lack of hope not only mirrors a past full of failures, but also foreshadows a future of many more.  And then, we sink into the darkness of despair.

We want to escape this awful place — this terrible feeling — and something urges us:  grieve the past, push through the present, and seize control of the future.  It’s the only way to get what you want.  Believe in yourself, and don’t give up.  That’s the only way.  It’s what’s working for everyone else.

Don’t fall for the lie.

God says, receive my grace for all that is past.  Trust the plans I have for your future.  And meet me here in the present.  I will give you peace in the midst of uncertainty.  Trust me with all your heart; don’t trust yourself to make sense of this.  Believe that I have a plan and a purpose, and I will show you the way out of darkness into hope and a future [Prov 3:5-5, John 14:27, Jer 29:11].

Despite our hunger for hope and our desperate need for help, we’re tempted to turn our backs.  To say, No thanks, God.  I want a baby, and you didn’t say anything about a baby.  I want control, and I think I can have a baby if I find the right doctor, and take the right medicines, and eat the right foods, and get the right exercise, and do the right things, in the right order, at the right time, on the right month….  And, I hope that’s true.

I… I… I….

What if it’s not true?  What if you’re not in control of this story?  Then, what happens to your hope?  The shadows lengthen at the thought.

But, what if you’re not meant to be in control?  And what if that’s a gift?  What if you haven’t failed?  What if it’s just not time yet?  What if God intends to transform your experience before your baby comes?  What if there is so much that you don’t understand?

“I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you…. [Eph 1:18].  There is a hope that transcends the moment of bad news, the blood counts and test results of this day, and the despair that’s guaranteed to be part of this journey.  It’s hope with staying power.

It took me awhile to find it, and longer to trust it.  But it changed everything.

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Find more resources and cause for hope at PregnantWithHope.com

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