Turns Out, You Are Not Alone

You’re not alone.

I discovered that truth in a whole new way when I went to Sitemeter yesterday.  Sitemeter tells me where blog readers come from.  Not who they are (don’t worry, your privacy’s completely protected), but where in the world they are.  And guess what?

There are infertile couples all around you.

Yesterday, readers came to this site from all over the U.S.  They also came from Canada, Australia, Germany, Singapore, India, England, and countries throughout South America.

Why does that matter?  Because infertility can be so profoundly isolating, it’s easy to believe you’ve been singled-out for suffering and no else has.  Or, that there are a small number of couples going to your particular clinic for help, but few others anywhere else.

That’s a lie.  It’s one of many that will fill your mind with doubt about God’s goodness as you struggle to maintain some equilibrium during infertility.

What can you do in response?

Raise Your Hand – Speak up.  Self-identify.  You won’t face the judgment you fear.  You may face some  ignorance, or insensitivity – but you’re also much more likely to find comfort, support, and company.  Of course, you should choose wisely when deciding whom to tell.  But trust me, it’s definitely a risk worth taking.

Find Community – Once you’ve shared your secret, find some community.  Not because misery loves company, but because “where two or more are gathered, I will be in the midst of them.”  Experiencing the presence of God is the first step toward experiencing the peace that comes with knowing and trusting Him.  Find (or create) a community of people who know what you’re facing, and you will have found a powerful source of strength.

Claim God’s Promises – The Bible is full of words of hope and inspiration.  They’re not outdated or theoretical, but powerful and real.  They can and will speak to your experience, if you ask God to bring His word alive in your story.  Set doubts aside long enough to discover God’s promises, invite Him to make them central to your journey, and watch how that changes everything.

Find Hope – Not sure where or how to find God’s promises in scripture?  Not sure whether to find a group or protect your privacy?  Whatever you decide, make it your goal to find hope for the journey.   Pregnant With Hope: Good News for Infertile Couples can help you discover hope in ways that are meaningful and relevant to you and your partner as you make your way.

There are millions of couples around the world making the same journey you are.  Some of them are crossing (virtual) paths with you when you come to this site; like you, they come seeking words of inspiration and hope.  Millions more have already made the journey; some of them – like me – want to share the good news that the journey won’t last forever, and God is good.

So, remember:  No matter how it feels, you are not alone.

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Find more words of encouragement and hope at PregnantWithHope.com

Don’t be Deceived by Appearances

When you are trying to conceive and struggling mightily against infertility, it can appear to be a losing battle.  Every disheartening test result, every unsuccessful transfer, every cycle that goes by with no heartbeat in the womb seems to say, “It will never happen.  You will never have a baby.”

The temptation to agree and give in to despair can be so strong.  Everything tangible, visible, or quantifiable is discouraging.  It all tells you to give up hope, admit defeat and get on with your life.

Don’t believe it.  Appearances can be very deceiving. 

What’s the truth, then?  A very different story:

“Instead of shame my people will receive a double portion [of blessing], and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance.  In my faithfulness I will reward them….  All who see them will acknowledge that they are a people the Lord has blessed.”

How do we make sense of that promise when nothing about it seems to align with our experience?  Other than wishing it were so, how does this covenant between God and His people change anything?

If we trust it and claim it, this promise changes everything.  It enables us to step outside the constraints of this world’s limitations and tap into the unlimited power of the Creator – the One who puts the heartbeat in the womb, who breathes life into lifelessness, who makes all things possible.

When we accept this covenant as real and binding, we discover the path to peace.  We know only that we are on a journey; its outcome seems so uncertain.  But to the God who makes the path, who guides our steps along it, and who knows where it leads and how that will bless us, there is no uncertainty.

It will lead to a double portion of blessing.  We will rejoice.  He will reward us – not for what we’ve done, but out of His own faithfulness.  And our blessedness will be apparent to all who see us.  It’s all in place.

How can we be sure?

Listen to these words from formerly-infertile couples.  They stood where you are standing and felt all that you are currently feeling.  Here’s what they learned by studying the messages of Pregnant With Hope, and what they want you to know:

“We realized it matters to God… the details matter.  Down to specific dates, numbers.  He’s very aware of what’s going on.  He cares and He’s involved.  And everything doesn’t have to happen because you make it happen.  You just have to be a participant in God’s plan.” – Laura & Brian

“We’ve learned to trust that when it’s out of our hands, it’s still in God’s control.” – Sarah & Wilson

“We learned that there’s not just one set pattern, one path to get where you want to go.  There are so many different ways to have children.  Trust God.  Use the patience approach and let it come.  Be ready – do your part – but let it come on God’s time.” – Robyn & Don

“We learned that, even though we don’t always know ‘why,’ we can still have peace.” – Angela & Sean

Rather than waiting to reach your future in order to see that it is blessed, why not “see” it already with eyes of faith?  These couples, and many others like them, send postcards from your desired future in the book, Pregnant With Hope: Good News for Infertile Couples.  Invite God to speak to you through it.

Choose to trust His faithfulness.  When you do, like these couples, you will delight the One who asks, “Will you wait for me?  Will you believe that I intend to give you my very best?  I will.”

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Find more inspiration and cause for hope by following this link….

Anything is Possible

Recently, I came across a verse from the Talmud that I’d read once before, many years ago:  “Every blade of grass has its angel that bends over it and whispers, ‘Grow, grow.’”  Crossing paths with these words again made me think, is there truth to this child’s eye view?  Is there someone urging me on as I struggle to become what I’m meant to be?

In the self-imposed isolation that is often our instinctive response to infertility, it can be easy to feel very alone – forgotten by all the people who conceive effortlessly and breeze by us, oblivious to our silent suffering.  The world doesn’t seem interested in slowing down to acknowledge our losses, or to comfort us in our grief.  And no one seems to know the words to bend over and whisper to encourage us, “Yes, yes.  You can, You can.”

Author Susan Jeffers writes, “We have been taught to believe that negative equals realistic and positive equals unrealistic.”  She’s right.  And as a result, we tend to brace for the worst even when we hope for the best.

We lean toward anticipating failure (especially if we’ve already experienced it), rather than expecting success.  We instinctively question our optimism when faced with the many disappointments of infertility.  And we doubt that anyone is whispering anything over us… except maybe, “Why are you still hoping?”

So, why are we?

Here’s why I think we should be.  Despite the many hurdles we’ve failed to clear and the many defeats we’ve been forced to face, some part of us believes that the “impossible” is still possible.  And it is. Scripture tells us that “What is impossible with man is possible with God.”  What we, in our realistic assessment of things, believe cannot happen… actually can.  Only two things are required to make it so:  God’s will and our faith.

Nothing will grow apart from God’s will.  No blade of grass.  No seed of hope.  But when God plants a seed of hope in us, I’m convinced it is for a purpose.  There is a plan that involves maturing that seed of hope into a life-changing reality.  When?  How?  I know only that the Holy Spirit has been sent to whisper, “Anything is possible.  With God all things are possible.  Grow, grow, seed of hope.”

Our faith is tested in this time of waiting and wondering.  Will it ever happen?  Will the future be anything like what I envision?  Rather than worrying whether the seed will grow, we should focus on faithfully preparing the soil for it to flourish.  A fertile faith life is the best environment in which to nurture and grow our seeds of hope.

So, is your faith life fertile ground for a miracle?  And, are you trusting that God’s will for you is His very best for you – even if it’s not your plan for you?  If so, the time is coming when your seed of hope will spring to life and become the future God has planned.

How do I know?  Anything is possible.

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Want to read more about God doing the impossible?  Click this link, and then read Pregnant with Hope: Good News for Infertile Couples.

Infertile? You Are Not Alone

You’re not alone.

I discovered that truth in a whole new way when I went to Sitemeter yesterday.  Sitemeter tells me where blog readers come from.  Not who they are (don’t worry, your privacy’s protected), but where in the world they are. And guess what?

There are infertile couples all around you.

Yesterday, readers came to this site from all over the U.S.  They also came from Canada, Australia, Germany, Singapore, India, England, and countries throughout South America.

Why does that matter?  Because infertility can be so profoundly isolating, it’s easy to believe you’ve been singled-out for suffering and no else has.  Or, that there are a small number of couples going to your particular clinic for help, but few others anywhere else.

That’s a lie.  It’s one of many that will fill your mind with doubt about God’s goodness as you struggle to maintain some equilibrium during infertility.

What can you do in response?

Raise Your Hand – Speak up.  Self-identify.  You won’t face the judgment you fear.  You may face some  ignorance, or insensitivity – but you’re also much more likely to find comfort, support, and company.  Of course, you should choose wisely when deciding whom to tell.  But trust me, it’s definitely a risk worth taking.

Find Community – Once you’ve shared your secret, find some community.  Not because misery loves company, but because “where two or more are gathered, I will be in the midst of them.”  Experiencing the presence of God is the first step toward experiencing the peace that comes with knowing and trusting Him.  Find (or create) a community of people who know what you’re facing, and you will have found a powerful source of strength.

Claim God’s Promises – The Bible is full of words of hope and inspiration.  They’re not outdated or theoretical, but powerful and real.  They can and will speak to your experience, if you ask God to bring His word alive in your story.  Set doubts aside long enough to discover God’s promises, invite Him to make them central to your journey, and watch how that changes everything.

Find Hope – Not sure where or how to find God’s promises in scripture?  Not sure whether to find a group or protect your privacy?  Whatever you decide, make it your goal to find hope for the journey.   Pregnant With Hope: Good News for Infertile Couples can help you discover hope in ways that are meaningful and relevant to you and your partner as you make your way.

There are millions of couples around the world making the same journey you are.  Some of them are crossing (virtual) paths with you when you come to this site; like you, they come seeking words of inspiration and hope.  Millions more have already made the journey; some of them – like me – want to share the good news that the journey won’t last forever, and God is good.

So, remember:  No matter how it feels, you are not alone.

========================================================

Find more words of encouragement and hope in Pregnant With Hope: Good News for Infertile Couples and at PregnantWithHope.com

“Infertility is not Wasted Time”

London-based fertility coach Anya Sizer read Pregnant with Hope: Good News for Infertile Couples recently and wrote this review (reprinted with permission):

“In her book, Pregnant with Hope, Susan Radulovacki has created a unique and truly inspiring read.  It is one the church desperately needs as it seeks to comfort and encourage the 1 in 6 couples currently facing infertility.

It is also a wonderful book for any Christian in terms of the invaluable lessons about God that we find within its pages.  As I read it, a mother of two IVF children, I found myself in tears several times realizing again something of this amazing God we serve.  Of his Love for us in the big and the small areas of our life.  And that surely is a lesson for all believers

The book is written with an easy style.  Sections are given to case studies, as well as personal reflections on what we are learning. It is not a passive book we are to read and go away from, but rather a challenge and a journey to undertake.

The starting premise of the book is that, as people facing infertility, we are holding on tight to an illusion of control and a fear that if we really let God into the darkness, we will somehow lose this control.  But…

‘Infertility shows you the limits of your faith in a way that is inescapable. You discover that letting go completely feels impossible because you don’t trust God.. at the same time, infertility reveals the limits of your own power.’

We are left, then, with a choice.  And as Radulovacki says, it is a choice which takes tremendous courage.  Do we carry on with the illusion?  Or, do we step out in faith and let God deal with it?

Throughout the book, there are many biblical examples of men and women of faith who were tested and challenged by God.  Job, for example.  Here was a man whose life was tested to the limits of what he could endure.  EVERY area of his life was affected.  And yet, through the process (rather than overnight), he learned to shift that source of peace away from himself to a loving and faithful God.

We cannot do it on our own, nor are we meant to.  God will find a way to get us through all the many highs and lows if we will let him in. So often, when we hear sermons or read books about this concept, we are left with only half of the equation. We know we need to be letting God take control, to be trusting him and not ourselves or our circumstances, but HOW?!

Pregnant with Hope has some hugely useful ways forward:

1. Actively choose to put Christ at the center of your life, to displace worry.  This is ongoing and a daily decision, but one that God will more than honor.

2. Actively choose to see life and your relationship with God as holistic and all-encompassing.  Move away from compartmentalizing life into areas of the secular and the spiritual.

3. Begin the process of “renewing your mind,” taking captive all the unhelpful and negative thoughts that can so easily take over, and replace them with God’s truth.  This was so incredibly helpful, it resulted in me having a bit of a cry on a bus into work one day!

4. Remember that “I can do all things (injections, scans, the highs and lows of treatment, etc) through Christ who gives me strength.”

5. See these months as Wilderness months.  Reframe this as a journey through something.  The Wilderness teaches us many things, not least of which is perseverance, compassion for others, and the ability to rely on God for our daily bread.

I also found Radulovacki’s concept of “active waiting“ to be very helpful.  As Christians, we do not live for the future only, but rather, we work with God in our present circumstances – whatever they may be.

The journey of infertility will test a person and their faith in God more than they could ever think.  And yet, God’s faithfulness is always so much more than we could imagine.  It will be sufficient.  My own six-year struggle is testimony to this, and my children were worth every step of the battle.

Infertility is not wasted time.

“Are you willing to trust that if it’s a different story [than you planned], God’s plan will be better?”

This book most certainly reassures us that, with God’s help, we can walk through this season with him to lead, guide and strengthen us.  What good news.

This is a wonderful and much-needed book.”

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For more inspiration, resources and cause for hope, click this link….

What’s the Truth?

When you are trying to conceive and struggling mightily against infertility, it can appear to be a losing battle.  Every disheartening test result, every unsuccessful transfer, every cycle that goes by with no heartbeat in the womb seems to say, “It will never happen.  You will never have a baby.”

The temptation to agree and give in to despair can be so strong.  Everything tangible, visible, or quantifiable is discouraging.  It all tells you to give up hope, admit defeat and get on with your life.

Don’t believe it.  Appearances can be very deceiving. 

What’s the truth, then?  A very different story:

“Instead of shame my people will receive a double portion [of blessing], and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance.  In my faithfulness I will reward them….  All who see them will acknowledge that they are a people the Lord has blessed.”

How do we make sense of that promise when nothing about it seems to align with our experience?  Other than wishing it were so, how does this covenant between God and His people change anything?

If we trust it and claim it, this promise changes everything.  It enables us to step outside the constraints of this world’s limitations and tap into the unlimited power of the Creator – the One who puts the heartbeat in the womb, who breathes life into lifelessness, who makes all things possible.

When we accept this covenant as real and binding, we discover the path to peace.  We know only that we are on a journey; its outcome seems so uncertain.  But to the God who makes the path, who guides our steps along it, and who knows where it leads and how that will bless us, there is no uncertainty.

It will lead to a double portion of blessing.  We will rejoice.  He will reward us – not for what we’ve done, but out of His own faithfulness.  And our blessedness will be apparent to all who see us.  It’s all in place.

How can we be sure?

Listen to these words from formerly-infertile couples.  They stood where you are standing and felt all that you are currently feeling.  Here’s what they learned by studying the messages of Pregnant With Hope, and what they want you to know:

“We realized it matters to God… the details matter.  Down to specific dates, numbers.  He’s very aware of what’s going on.  He cares and He’s involved.  And everything doesn’t have to happen because you make it happen.  You just have to be a participant in God’s plan.” – Laura & Brian

“We’ve learned to trust that when it’s out of our hands, it’s still in God’s control.” – Sarah & Wilson

“We learned that there’s not just one set pattern, one path to get where you want to go.  There are so many different ways to have children.  Trust God.  Use the patience approach and let it come.  Be ready – do your part – but let it come on God’s time.” – Robyn & Don

“We learned that, even though we don’t always know ‘why,’ we can still have peace.” – Angela & Sean

Rather than waiting to reach your future in order to see that it is blessed, why not “see” it already with eyes of faith?  These couples, and many others like them, send postcards from your desired future in the book, Pregnant With Hope: Good News for Infertile Couples.  Invite God to speak to you through it.

Choose to trust His faithfulness.  When you do, like these couples, you will delight the One who asks, “Will you wait for me?  Will you believe that I intend to give you my very best?  I will.”

====================================================

Find more inspiration and cause for hope by following this link….