The Value of Boundaries

What if someone offered to give you a gift to help you make your way through infertility?  Would you be interested?  If they offered to share the secret to restoring a fragile relationship, protecting a vulnerable heart, reducing stress and increasing your sense of peace… would you listen?

What if their advice was practical, actionable, and immediately effective?  Tested and proven?  Intuitively obvious, but almost always overlooked?  Would you be interested?

I would have been.

But when we went through infertility, we kept it very quiet.  So, no one knew to talk to us about how to cope.  They didn’t know how stressed we were, how full of grief, how confused and anxious and lonely.  With no one to talk to and nowhere to turn, we did our best to ride it out while our story spun out of control.

It doesn’t have to be that way for you.

Here’s what we learned the hard way.  It’s helped every couple I’ve ever shared it with – and it’s guaranteed to help you, too.  Set boundaries.  Set them and enforce them.  In his book, Speaking the Truth in Love, Kenneth Haugk calls that “God-pleasing self care.”

Are you surprised?

It works.

Here’s an example.  As we moved from ovulation kits to Clomid to IUI to injections, I got increasingly emotional.  Tears were a frequent occurrence.  Like many husbands, mine responded by moving to the other end of the emotional spectrum.  He got angry.  The more I cried, the angrier he got.  The angrier he got, the more I cried.

At the time, it felt like our emotions were directed at each other.  In truth, we were expressing what we both felt about the situation.  But it seemed like there was never a way to rest from the angst and drama, to take a timeout and focus on something else – until we set some boundaries.

We agreed that, once a week, we would set aside an hour to talk only about infertility.  We would give each other our undivided attention and express any thought or feeling with as much intensity as we wanted or need to.  Then, for the rest of the week, we would not talk about it at all.

Does that sound crazy?  Impossible?

It was fabulous.

Here’s why.  There’s only so much you can say about battling infertility.  Only so many times you can cover the same ground before you start making it worse for both of you.  Boundaries helped us by insuring we would focus completely on the problem and rest completely from it.

Here’s another example.  We learned to keep insensitive family members at arms length.  After a heartbreaking phone call (when they celebrated realizing theirs would be the first grandchild because I’d just miscarried), we recognized their habit of enjoying success at our expense.  So, we set some boundaries.

We quit answering their questions about the next pregnancy.  We responded to thoughtless remarks with silence.  We side-stepped optional engagements, and protected each other’s fragile hearts during mandatory ones.  We were never ugly, but we were firmly self-protective.

Were they offended?  Maybe.  Was that our primary concern?  No.  We needed more peace, less vulnerability, and a greater sense of control in a situation that was largely out of our control.  Haugk calls that “God-pleasing self care,” and it helped tremendously.

Try it.  It can help you, too.

The Amazing Power of Praise

Some of the best discussion in the infertility Bible study comes in response to what seems like nonsensical advice:  Praise God for what you can’t see happening.  “Why should we, and how could we?” couples ask.  On the surface, the advice sounds ridiculous.  It seems absurdly Pollyanna to believe that seeing the bright side could somehow make it so.

But, it can.

Here’s what I mean.

Our praise releases the power of God into our lives.  When we dwell on the negative, on our feelings of powerlessness and despair, we invite the power of darkness into our spirits.  But, the opposite is also true.  When we concentrate our attention on the goodness of God and our knowledge of His faithfulness, we invite the power of the Holy Spirit to activate the word of God in us.  That changes everything.

“So, what do you thank God for when everything seems to be falling apart?” couples want to know.  “How can we praise Him when nothing is going according to (our) plan?  When the nurse calls with discouraging results… there are no eggs to harvest… the IVF fails… the birth mother changes her mind… our options are limited and the future looks bleak?”

Praise Him for sustaining you, and thank God for hope.  The Bible makes clear that what we see is not all there is.  In fact, it is in walking by faith and not by sight that we can “see” cause for hope.

Still at a loss?  Then speak these words of the psalmist:

But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more… til I declare your power to the next generation, your might to all who are to come.

Do those words feel relevant?  You want hope.  You’d love to declare God’s goodness to the next generation — your children, who came into your life despite all the struggles of infertility.  Even if it is hard for you to imagine saying these words with conviction, offer them with sincerity.  Pray them with a desire to see God demonstrate that your faith is justified.

“What if I can’t?  How do I praise God when I feel angry, resentful and hurt?”  You acknowledge the truth of your feelings, and then acknowledge a greater, timeless truth:  God is faithful.  How do you do that when you’re awash in powerful feelings?  Voice them, too!  Look again to the words of the psalmist:

Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter,… I will praise you for your faithfulness.

“Why praise God when I’m the one doing all the work and experiencing all this suffering?”  Because you’re not doing it alone.  You are surrounded by countless provisions every day, sent to you by the God who loves you and will sustain you.

Bottom line:  If you can’t praise God for His sake, then do it for for your own:

1) Praise strengthens you – It focuses your mind on God, helping you be attentive to His presence, His voice and His will.  That attentiveness strengthens your courage; you know you are not alone.  It fortifies your hope; you know your steps are guided by the One who is with you.  And, it reinforces your faith; as you exercise trust, you build your ability to believe in God’s promise-keeping faithfulness.

2) Praise also anticipates victory – It encourages optimism, regardless of the moment’s circumstances.  It leans into believing what can only be seen through eyes of faith — which delights the heart of the Father.  It makes everything different, even as it appears to remain the same, because it rests in the assurance of a powerful truth:  “all things are possible.”

Learning to trust and affirm God’s promises, despite today’s circumstances, is the great test of faith.  When we say, “Lord, despite what I see, I still believe all things are possible,” He stands ready to prove once again, “those who hope in me will not be disappointed.”

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For more inspiration and cause for hope, click this link to visit PregnantWithHope.com

An Adoptive Father’s Story

What if one of the blessings of infertility is that it exposes our infertile faith – and motivates us to draw near and rely on the God we’ve been taking for granted.  Would it be worth the heartache?

Joe thinks so.

When he and his wife joined our infertility bible study, they’d already faced cervical cancer, several failed IUIs, failed IVFs, surgeries (for both of them), and a miscarriage that occurred shortly after they shared news of their pregnancy with a dying parent.

How did they deal with it all?  Prior to these challenges, said Joe, “I was a passive Christian.  I didn’t read the Bible.  We were going to church, but for me, it was at a very superficial level.  I’d go, leave, and put it behind me until the next Sunday.”

Recently, USA Today featured the results of a major survey of young adults.  Among those who consider themselves Christians, 65% said they rarely/never pray with others, read the Bible, or worship.  The article summarized, “They’re mushy, in-name-only Christians.”

Joe embodied the trend of spiritual sleepwalking – mushy, in-name-only faith that’s nothing like a genuine relationship with God.  It’s pointless and largely useless.  But, that didn’t matter to Joe until infertility — and all the challenges that came with it — entered the story.  

“I had this experience that I’d never had before,” he recalled.  “I was in the shower upstairs and I lost it.  I was crying.  I literally could feel God, hear God, and He said, “You have to be strong.”  That’s when I realized I needed God on a more-than-superficial level.”  Soon afterwards, Joe and Nancy joined our infertility Bible study.

When couples seek out our group, they’ve often reached their limit.  Whether that limit is psychological, emotional, physical, spiritual, or some combination of these – their circumstances have become unbearable.  They’ve made as much progress as they can under their own power.  Now, humbled by their lack of success and painfully aware of their human limitations, they realize it’s time to try something new.

What can I possibly offer them?

This promise:  God uses our circumstances as a “spiritual refining process” to prepare us.  Rather than ignoring or punishing us, God  is allowing our experiences to mold us in anticipation of the blessing He has planned.  The gift that is coming.  The child we long for.

It’s human nature to feel desperate when we reach our limits.  But when we stop relying on our own ability to bring our dream to fruition, we open the door to a new kind of hope, based on God’s promise and His faithfulness.  The same promise-keeping God of scripture continues to work today in the lives of couples who invite Him into their story.

I’ve watched Him work miracle after miracle in the lives of couples who’ve joined our group and chosen to proceed in God-honoring ways.  They replaced spiritual sleepwalking with conscious, intentional trust and faith-full decisions.  Did it change anything?  Yes.  It changed everything.

Was it worth the effort?

When I interviewed Joe, now the father of a two-year-old son, for Pregnant with Hope, he summarized his experience this way:  “At the end of it, if all that happens is that you become closer to God, it’s worth it.”

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Update: In March, Joe & Nancy adopted their second son. They sent an email describing their oldest son’s response to the new baby:  “His eyes lit up and he smiled from ear to ear as he asked, ‘Is this my brother?'”  They continue to be amazed at the way God has created a uniquely wonderful family to bless the four of them.

Find more resources and cause for hope at PregnantWithHope.com

Insight from Humility Hill

To all who are struggling with infertility,

I thought about you as I hiked up Humility Hill.  That may sound strange, but it’s true.  As I climbed, I realized that sharing this story might prevent you from making the same mistake I did.  So, here goes….

Two years ago, there was something I desperately wanted.  It wasn’t material “stuff,” it was a blessing – and one I was convinced was absolutely essential to the future I envisioned.  I’d done what I could to influence events in my favor, but the outcome was completely out of my hands.  So, I turned my attention to God and began to pray like crazy.

I would set off on long walks and pray about all the ways that saying “yes” to my desire would be wise on God’s part.  Like a persistent salesman, I showed up at every turn, relentlessly doing my best to show God the wisdom of agreeing with my extensive research, my wise judgment, my logic and reason.  I wanted Him to realize He didn’t need to think this through – because I already had!

All the traits and skills that had made me a successful advertising executive were brought to bear:  positioning, strategic thinking, timing the pitch, compelling arguments, downside risk assessment.  You name it, I covered it.  My prayers were 100% transmit, 0% receive because there was only one thing I wanted to hear from God:  YES.  Until I heard it, I’d keep at it.

So, did I convince Him?

No.

That’s why I call it Humility Hill.

I was hiking up the hill one day on one of my long walks, giving God an earful, when I reached my conclusion:  “… and that’s why I want you to do what I will.”  Those were the words my mind prayed – and they froze me on the spot.  I have no idea what really happened, but it seemed as if I turned to stone the minute I heard myself say, “…do what I will.”  It was if I’d said, “Obey me, God.”  I realized, that’s what I was really praying.  I was telling the God of the universe:  do what I say.

My will — not Thine.

That realization left me breathless.  I don’t know how long I stood there, not breathing.  Not thinking.  Not moving.  Just staring my hubris in the face.  I had spent months pestering God to bend to my will.  Begging Him, pleading with Him, browbeating and reasoning with Him.  I was horrified… and very ashamed.  I stood atop the hill for a long time, having no idea what to say or do.  I wanted to look away from the truth, but I couldn’t.  Then, I realized there was only one thing to say… the words of Jesus:  “Not my will, but thine.”

In that moment, I let go.  I released my grip on everything I desperately wanted to control.  God had revealed my arrogant self-absorption, and I chose to face it.  To humble myself and change it.  I chose – in that moment – to give up the fight for control.

A few months later, I got my answer.  It was as close to “yes” as it could be, but still be “no.”  It seemed clear that God was saying, “I want you to know I heard you – but I have a better plan.”  Not long afterwards, that better plan manifested itself.  It was, and continues to be, so much better than what I prayed for.

Because of that experience, I’ve learned to pray for God’s best in every situation.  I don’t try to tell Him what that is; He already knows.  And I’ve realized, I don’t always know.  The Bible says He “withholds no good thing,” and I’ve come to believe it’s true for those who trust and honor Him.  As a result, I find myself at peace – even in the midst of uncertainty.

If you’re ready to take God at His word, stop praying for your will to be done.  Pray for His best – and then, watch Him delight in giving you more than you imagined possible.

He will.

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For more resources and cause for hope, visit PregnantWithHope.com

Panic vs. Peace: Your Choice

Information is power.  That’s the presumption that drives the incessant desire to gather facts and statistics when couples discover they’ve entered the realm of infertility.  But what happens when the data is conflicting and the messages contradictory?

Recently, one group of experts announced IVF babies are no more likely than naturally-conceived babies to suffer chronic health problems later in life.  The same day, another study declared women’s fertility drops off at a much faster rate than previously imagined, as does egg quality [By age 30, 88% of a woman’s eggs are gone; by age 40, only 3% remain – and are likely to contain a higher proportion of abnormal eggs].

So is the news good, or bad?   Should we be encouraged, or disheartened?

This is a particularly difficult question for Type A women.  The same vigilant monitoring of relevant information that makes us a success at work, causes tremendous stress during infertility.  Each bit of news forces us to adjust our perception of reality, so we can factor the newest variable into our calculations.  It’s tiring, but we keep pushing because we tell ourselves it’s critically important.

The problem is, the onslaught of good news-bad news-good news-bad news keeps coming.  And the clock keeps ticking.  Over time, the constant uncertainty about how this will end – and when – becomes increasingly destabilizing.  With each day, the emotional roller coaster seems more and more likely to careen out of control – taking us with it.  It’s crazy and exhausting… but what is the alternative?

Rest.

Stillness.

Quiet.

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.”  Jesus spoke these words as he promised the presence of the Holy Spirit to those who trust him.  “Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”  How can we possibly experience peace in the midst of infertility?  How can we hear statistics and read news reports and not be filled with fear that our dreams won’t be realized?

The apostle Paul provides the answer, “It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.”  That new center enables us to focus on whom we trust, rather than what we fear.  And from that center, “peace that passes understanding” can radiate in all directions.  Faith can gain the upper hand on fear, if we choose this new focal point.

So, what will you choose to think about today, and what will it bring you:  panic, or on peace?

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Find many more resources & cause for hope at PregnantWithHope.com

Understanding God’s Promise

When infertile couples talk about what the Bible has to say about their situation, there is usually more confusion than clarity.  Take this verse, for example:

“Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.”

It sounds simple enough, at least on the surface.  It seems to say that if you like God a lot, He’ll give you what you want.  Sort of like a spiritual Santa.  You friend Him; He blesses you.

Couples frequently cite this verse to one another early in the journey, as if reassuring each other of a momentarily-forgotten sure thing.  God may be moving slowly, they’ll agree, but He’s going to come through in the end.  If you really want something and He knows it, it’s just a matter of time.

But with time, confidence wanes.  They’ve claimed the promise they thought they understood, but they’re still childless – and now, increasingly confused and resentful.   What’s the deal?  Why didn’t God keep His promise?  We told Him we loved Him, but still no baby.  What’s the trick to getting God to “give you the desires of your heart”?

Ask that out loud, and it sounds selfish.  Even manipulative.  But, truth be told, this is the question every couple longs to ask: How do we get God to give us what we want?

I can save you some searching; there is no answer to that question anywhere in scripture.  Why?  Because it’s the wrong question to be asking.  It’s a question rooted in a desire for control, made urgent by uncertainty and fear.  I’m convinced that part of the purpose of this journey is to move us away from that question, toward a deeper, richer faith life.

How do we make that move – away from a fearful, consuming desire for control? 

Start with “Delight yourself in the Lord….”  Delighting our Selves in the Lord means shifting our focus away from Self.  Away from what we want, what we lack, what we don’t know and can’t control.  It means choosing our thoughts rather than being at the mercy of them, and making them God-centered rather than Self-centered.

This is the kind of relationship God wants us to have with Him – one where we find joy in everything that connects us to Him, and everything that reveals Him to us.  When we make the shift to this perspective, “perfect love casts out fear” and we begin to experience peace despite uncertainty.

If and when you delight your Self in God, “He will give you the desires of your heart.”  That is the promise of the verse.  This does not mean He’ll hand you whatever you want.  It means, He will place in your heart desires for what He knows is best for you.  He will give you the desire to see His will for you become your present and your future.

If you know God’s perfect will takes all things into consideration and plans for the best possible outcome, why would you want anything less?

Begin to shift your focus away from getting God to do what you want, and toward wanting what God intends to do — in you, through you, and for you.  It’s the path to peace… to joy… and ultimately, to parenthood.

The Need to Know Why

Knowing why I have to do something, or why something is happening, has always mattered to me.  I guess it’s because I didn’t like taking orders as a kid.  “Because I said so” was my father’s justification for most of the demands he placed on me, and I (silently) resented that.  It struck me as an abuse of power, and it left me feeling powerless.

It seemed to me that if something was important, it was reasonable for me to want to know why, and for whoever was in authority to explain that to me.

Many times, as an adult, that same “need to know” trait has made me hesitate to obey God’s commands, or to trust Him in a particular situation.  Especially when there’s no obvious reason why He’d want things to go a certain way, I find myself dragging my feet, waiting for an explanation.

Here’s why that’s a problem:  when I refuse to budge until I get a satisfying answer, my circumstances don’t change.  Like a longsuffering parent with a willful child, God lets me stew in my situation until I humbly acknowledge that maybe trying things His way – even if I don’t understand why – is reasonable.

Is that an abuse of power?  In the midst of infertility, I sure thought so.  I struggled mightily with anger and resentment at God’s apparent lack of interest in my suffering.

Why wasn’t I ovulating?  Why couldn’t I stop miscarrying?  Why was having a baby so hard for us and so easy for everyone else?  Why didn’t our doctor have all the answers?  And if God had them, why wasn’t He giving them to us?  Like a petulant child, I wanted to know, “Why?!  Why?!  Why?!”  I kept silent only out of fear I’d make Him angry.

In hindsight, all that drama looks like a lot of self-inflicted suffering.  Why?  Because if we truly trust God to keep the promise that “all things work together for good,” then there is always an answer to “why?”:  it is part of His plan for our lives.  Sometimes, in the moment, that needs to be enough.

Either we trust Him, or we don’t.

That, of course, is the great struggle of infertility.  Will I trust Him, or will I fight to retain control?

With that as context, I had a big epiphany recently about the injunction “Pray without ceasing.”  I’d read and heard those words plenty of times before, but always wanted to know “why?”  Really, I think I wanted to know, “What’s in it for me?  I get why it makes you feel appreciated, God, but why should I put in all that effort — especially if you don’t seem to respond?”

A few days ago, in a moment of incredible grace, God showed me why.  Now, I know it’s vitally important for infertile couples to obey.  Here are the reasons:

1)      Constant prayer is an acknowledgment of His role in our story.

2)      It means we recognize and respect His authority, and we welcome His powerful presence — even though we cannot control it.

3)      It keeps us talking and listening to the only one with the ability to change anything & everything about our circumstances.

4)      Constant prayer creates healthy boundaries between us and a constant barrage of negative thoughts, worries and doubts.

5)      It enables us to experience moments of gratitude, even when we aren’t grateful for infertility.

6)      It helps us maintain perspective – God’s perspective.

7)      It helps us tune out the world’s messages about instant gratification, and helps us remember that God’s timing is always perfect.

8)      It grounds us in who we are to God, and who He is to us.

Bottom line, “pray without ceasing” is an imperative command because it’s good for us.  It helps us.  It comforts us, renews us, and strengthens us for the journey.

This command is not an abuse of power.  It is a gift.  An invitation.  A chance to draw near to the one who knows our struggles and loves us deeply.  It is a blessing that is available whenever we choose to make ourselves available.

Is that enough reason for you to pray?  It is for me.

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For more inspiration and cause for hope, read Pregnant With Hope: Good News for Infertile Couples and visit PregnantWithHope.com

Infertility Anxiety & Time to Be Still

Unexplained infertility can seem like psychological torture.  No one can tell you what’s wrong, what will work, or if anything ever will.

Faced with little-to-no information, how can you make decisions?  When the voice in your head is shouting, “The clock is ticking! You’re running out of time!” how do you think clearly?  When the most-likely-to-succeed protocol fails – repeatedly – what should you do next?  Where can you turn for input?  Who can you trust?  And how much more can you handle?

Bottom line:  What does it mean when there’s still no baby?

Welcome to a season of discernment.

When Don and his wife reached this point in their infertility journey, Don made a very wise choice.  He decided to slow down, wait, and listen.  “I’m one who believes God’s touch is very subtle,” he said.  “You’ve got to exert immense patience to understand – and wait for – what He’s doing in your life.  If you jump to a conclusion, you may miss the message.”

After several miscarriages, Don thought, “We haven’t been able to get pregnant.  Is God sending us a message?  I was listening and thinking, is God saying, ‘You shouldn’t be parents?’ or, ‘You should take another approach?’”  He and Robin decided to join the infertility Bible study to spend time with other couples struggling with the same questions.

“When I first went to the class, I was struck by how many people were emotionally distraught about infertility.  But I kept reminding myself:  God has a way of moving things around so that it’s a win-win for everybody.  It sounds formulaic, but you have to trust Him.  Be ready – do your part – but let it come on His time.”

The more they listened to other couples’ stories – especially those of “alumni” who came back to talk to the group – the more they realized, “you have to be patient.”  Speed and a desperate sense of urgency had not made  these other couples parents.  In fact, just the opposite!  Quite a few affirmed Don’s sense that  “you can’t just take over.  God’s got opportunities, messages and subtleties there for you… but you’ve got to be listening.”

Over time, Don and his wife felt a growing, deepening peace about the choice to adopt.  “God understood what I needed to make a decision,” Don recalled.  “We researched our options thoroughly, moving slowly enough to seek God’s guidance at every step.”

To a casual observer, it might have looked as if they were making no progress on their journey toward parenthood.  But in fact, the most important progress occurred when they slowed down and were perfectly still.  How so?  A birth mother tried to put her twin boys up for adoption five times  – but she always changed her mind.  Finally, she decided she was ready.

“If we’d been ready 6 months earlier, this mom wouldn’t have been ready,” Don said.  “And if we’d been ready 6 months later, we might have missed adopting our boys.  I want to recognize God’s timing in this miracle.  It was perfect.”

God’s timing always is.

The words “Be still and know that I am God” are not just a suggestion from scripture.  They are an imperative command for our benefit.  They are also the only way to answer the many unanswered questions on this journey.

When we are still, we make space for God’s voice to be heard.  Sometimes, He may be silent.  If so, we should stay still, but not be afraid.   He has not forgotten or neglected us.  And it is not His desire to compound our fear and anxiety.

We must trust that He is well able to speak clearly when we are ready to listen, and when the time is right. Those are the two key ingredients to forward progress.

This season, give yourself the two gifts that will bless your journey:  intentional stillness, and active listening.  Expect God’s guidance – wait patiently for it – and He will honor your faith with His faithfulness.

He always does.

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For more inspiration and words of hope, visit PregnantWithHope.com or read Pregnant With Hope: Good News for Infertile Couples.

Is There a Prayer God Always Answers?

A few days ago, I wrote about narcissistic fertility – the tendency of some “fertiles” to take pregnancy for granted, and to think of a baby primarily as an extension of themselves.  It’s easy to criticize that kind of self-absorption.  And, it’s tempting to think “I would never….”

The problem is:  we would, and we do.

Don’t misunderstand.  After the struggle and heartache of the infertility journey, I don’t believe any of us would take a baby for granted.  But, I do believe that many – maybe all of us – set off on this journey believing we deserve to be parents.  We want it, and we unconsciously believe we have a right to expect it.

We see the people around us conceiving effortlessly and assume, that’ll be me – pregnant and living  happily-ever-after.  We might never say so, but at some level, we feel entitled to that story.

Here’s the problem:  that entitlement attitude puts Self at the center.  It presumes that what we want is what’s best for us — because we want it.  In hindsight, that seems both arrogant and a little ridiculous.  The truth is, it’s simply human nature.

We tend to think of ourselves as able to make perfect plans and control our destinies… until we discover we can’t and we don’t.  That’s when we start to feel confused, frustrated, and even angry.

Now, we see a clear need for God in our story – but He seems to be withholding our heart’s desire.  Or worse, punishing us for something.  Why can’t we conceive?  And why does He insist on thwarting our plans?

Because our plan is not His plan.  It’s not His best for us.

So, now what?  How do we get past our emotional response to God’s “no,” and onto a path that leads to parenthood?  That’s the question I was thinking about recently as I read Ten Prayers God Always Says Yes To.

I wondered: Is there a prayer God always says “yes” to when infertile couples pray?  If so, what is it?  What makes it work?  And does it always?

The good news is that there is one prayer God always answers for infertile couples.  And I’m convinced the purpose of the infertility journey is to prepare us to pray it with complete sincerity of heart, mind and spirit.

In my next post, I’ll walk you through the steps of the infertility journey that prepare you to pray it.  And, I’ll share the prayer itself with you.  For now, I encourage you to search your heart:  Have you felt entitled to a baby?  Have you resented God’s apparent refusal?  Have you expressed your feelings  candidly to Him?  Do you believe He heard you and cared, or that He rejected your words and turned away?

I encourage you to spend the next few days wrestling with these questions and answering them as honestly as you can.  They’ll pave the way to the “yes” you long for when you pray the prayer God always answers.

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Longing for inspiration and wisdom on the infertility journey?  Read Pregnant With Hope: Good News for Infertile Couples and learn how God transforms a heartbreaking quest into life-changing good news.

A Gift of Perspective

Before he died, my father was a cancer specialist.  I grew up hearing stories about patients who had become like extended family to him.  Many of them battled terrible forms of the disease with courage and grace – which inspired him, and burdened his heart.  He did everything he could to heal their bodies.  He also took seriously the call to minister to their spirits.

One Christmas, I cross-stitched these words for him, “This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it” [Psalm 118:24].  To my surprise, he hung the framed verse in his chemotherapy room.  I wondered, wouldn’t that rub salt in patients’ wounds?  Who could possibly come for chemo and feel glad for the day?

As it turned out, that little message was a powerful witness.  It reminded patients that every day is a gift full of purpose.  Those who chose to trust God’s purposefulness could truly rejoice and be glad – even when their circumstances commanded otherwise – because they could see past the moment and lean into its greater purpose.

Patients began telling my father that the chair across from that cross-stitched verse was “the best seat in the house.”  Many told him they would rather wait for that particular chair to be available than go through chemo without the power of those inspirational words.  Patients reported feeling blessed by the time spent staring at the psalmist’s verse, even as their IV drips summoned nausea.

Some made the words a prayer, some a whispered mantra, some a silent meditation.  All took them to heart and found strength and hope in them.

And then, what happened?  Was everyone miraculously healed?

No.

Every journey took its own course – just as every infertility journey does.

Then, what really changed?  Here’s what… That little handmade message invited God into an awful place and transformed it into a sanctuary of hope.  The experience of receiving chemo became an uplifting spiritual one, rather than just a taxing physical one.  In many cases, that difference transformed the journey.

Is there any place in your life that needs transforming?  A physical place that represents your suffering and sadness?  Or a psychological place that harbors fears, worries, anxieties and dread?  If so, I urge you to give yourself the gift of gratitude this Thanksgiving.

Claim God’s promises to be with you always, to make all things work together for good, to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future.  And then, put the words of the psalmist before your eyes:

“This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.”

See God’s goodness with eyes of faith.  Trust His purposefulness.  And realize that there is so much to be thankful for, even as you make the difficult journey of infertility.

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Need more reasons to be thankful?  More hope for the journey?  If so, visit PregnantWithHope.com or read Pregnant With Hope: Good News for Infertile Couples