Thoughtless Remarks Meet Infertility

For infertile couples, part of the frustration – and a major source of heartache – is other people’s cluelessness.  It may be rooted in ignorance, inexperience, a lack of social skills, or pure self-absorption.  Whatever the reason, the words of others can cause deep, lasting pain to hearts that are already fragile.

Just after I miscarried twins, we called my husband’s brother to share our heartbreaking news.  We had no idea that he and his wife were also planning to start a family.  His reaction?  “That’s too bad… but now we’ll have the first grandchild!!”

I was speechless.  It took everything I had to get to the end of the phone call.

Thankfully, it’s not always that bad.  But people can be incredibly insensitive.  Has that been your experience?  People you think of as loving family or supportive friends suddenly seem incapable of saying anything helpful?  Instead, their words slice right through your spirit and take your breath away?

It’s a common problem for couples going through infertility.

People you trust and care about will be thoughtless enough to ask, “why haven’t you two started a family?”  Or, they’ll hand out gratuitous, unsolicited advice like, “just adopt – you’ll get pregnant right away” or, “go on vacation – that’s how we got pregnant” or, “stop worrying about it – it’ll happen sooner or later” – as if tossing these tidbits is all it takes to help you.

Surely, they don’t mean to be heartless.  Or patronizing.  Or dismissive of the challenge you face.  But, all too often, they pour salt in your wound.  When the tears threaten to pour down your cheeks, you may wonder, am I being oversensitive?  Too defensive?

I don’t think so.

It is hard to explain this journey to someone who hasn’t made it – the stress… the fear… the tension… the uncertainty… the worry… the anger… the grief… the sense of being far removed from everyone and everything “normal”… the inability to get on with your life because you’ve put everything on hold.

How do you say all of that in the middle of a phone call?  Or a church hallway?  Or a restaurant?

You can’t.

But, here’s what you can do:

Set some boundaries – Recognize that you know better than anyone else what helps you now – and what doesn’t.  Set firm, healthy boundaries that will protect your vulnerable heart.  Make choices that fill your spirit with hope and surround you with people who truly understand how to help.  Say “no” to people and events that leave you empty, discouraged, or afraid.  Remember, “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power….” [II Tim 1:7].  Use that power to enforce good boundaries.

Give some grace – It’s hard to imagine trying to muster compassion for someone whose remark has just reduced you to tears.  The temptation is to focus on the pain they’ve caused.  Don’t do it.  Release it, reclaim your hope, and let God heal your wound.  As Jesus prayed, “…forgive them, they know not what they do” [Luke 23:34].

Find some community – You may be looking to the wrong community for encouragement and hope.  If family and friends have failed to offer meaningful support, seek out other couples who understand this journey.  Meet with a counselor or clergy member who is not afraid to confront your feelings.  And claim this promise, “…hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us” [Romans 5:5].  When no one else stands with you, God delivers His hope to you through the Holy Spirit.

Make some progress – There is no greater satisfaction in this journey than sensing forward progress.  Instead of measuring it just by test results or egg harvests, learn to measure progress this way:  “… let us throw off everything that hinders us… and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us” [Heb 12:1-2].  Hurtful remarks hinder us.  So does dwelling on them.  If we are to run with perseverance, then this isn’t likely to be a sprint.  We must pace ourselves – and applaud every bit of progress we make.

The Finish Line is waiting.  Don’t be distracted by the voices of the crowd.

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Find more resources and cause for hope at PregnantWithHope.com

Faith’s Effect on Infertility

In a recent study of 200 women, a high correlation was found between those who said they were religious and those with low rates of anxiety/depression during fertility treatment.  Lower rates of depression and anxiety correlate to higher pregnancy rates.  So, it stands to reason that spiritual women should have more pregnancies.

–Newsweek, 3/24/08

In the beginning, when couples walk through the door to the infertility Bible study, the men look apprehensive, and the women, fragile to the point of tears.  But that changes.  Over the course of the study, they come to realize the wisdom of letting go of (the illusion of) control.  They learn the value of being still and listening for God.  And with that understanding comes peace in the midst of uncertainty.

I can literally see the change occur.  Body language goes from self-protective – arms crossed, gazes averted, huddled close to their spouse – to open, relaxed, and receptive.  The real change is occurring in the spirit, but it is reflected in the unspoken language of the body.  That change indicates God’s growing presence, which creates new possibilities.

So, is the study right in its prediction that these increasingly spiritual women have more pregnancies?  I’d have to say, yes.  And no.  Yes, because experience has shown me—again and again and again—that those who see infertility as an invitation to draw nearer to God, and who respond to that invitation, are likely to become parents.  But no, because sometimes the result is not a pregnancy; sometimes, it is an adoption.

Here’s the important thing:  that is no less a miracle.

I don’t say that as a Pollyanna.  I’m not advocating, “be happy about failure,” or “suck it up and compromise.”  I’m saying, make a paradigm shift.  Recognize that, sometimes, God calls couples to steward a soul who comes into their life in a different way than they might have expected.  That’s not defeat; that’s a different plan for victory.  And it is no less a gift.

Are those couples disappointed?  Truthfully?

“Alumni” couples often return to the Bible study to talk to current participants about their experiences.  One entire class is devoted to hearing from adoptive parents.  They speak with conviction about their certainty that their particular child belongs with them:  “God chose him for us,” “We knew as soon as we held her that she was meant to be our daughter.”  In some cases, they also share stories of the effect the adoption had on the birth parent(s).

With loving grace, I suggest to you:  let go of your vision of how this story will unfold, and when.  Give God as much room as possible to work in your story.  He wants to give you His very best.  He wants to create a pinwheel of blessing, and it may touch souls you don’t even know.

Will you make way for that possibility?

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Find more resources and cause for hope at PregnantWithHope.com

Infertility & Sharing Loss

If misery loves company, why do we insist on isolating ourselves when we need support the most? One woman with the courage to go public with a private loss wrote this in a Newsweek editorial:

“The doctor said the test had indicated an unviable pregnancy. I started talking to other pregnant women (who seemed to be all around me) and learned what no one tells you until devastation has set in: up to 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage.

People keep too mum about private tragedies such as this. True, miscarriages are not catastrophic, especially in terms of sheer commonality, but it can tear away a piece of you that you didn’t know was there.  We need to talk to each other, rather than suffer surrounded by silent sisters.”

She’s right. We need to talk to each other. Suffering in silence only compounds the sense of isolation we already feel in the midst of infertility.

So, why don’t we talk? Why don’t we tell each other, “I lost a pregnancy” or “I lost a child”? The tidal wave of grief is already washing over us. The only way to get a lifeline is to call for help.

What’s stopping us?

Pride is what silenced me.  I hated to admit I was failing at something so many other women seemed to accomplish effortlessly.  Seemed being the key word.  If the Newsweek writer is to be believed, there were miscarriages going on all around me.  But no one talked about it.  Those silent sisters kept their secrets and I foolishly believed that I was alone in my misery.  That I was the only one struggling to catch up with everyone else’s instant gratification.

Now, consider this:  “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble” [James 4:6].

Ouch.

My pride was rooted in a desire for self-reliance and control.  I was raised to consider self-reliance a virtue…an admirable quality often seen in leaders… the mark of a “can do” go-getter.  And control as the holy grail.  But God doesn’t see it that way.  He sees arrogant self-centeredness that refuses to make room for Him.  Or worse, an entitlement attitude that puts me on the throne and Him at my beck and call (in the form of “I want/I need” prayer).

“God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”

Thank goodness I finally set my pride aside and began to share my struggle.  Grace came from all around me, in the form of stories shared by women who’d also kept their struggles secret.  All of us had bought into the lie that we alone were failing to conceive.  We alone kept miscarrying.  Meanwhile, “we” were everywhere.

Don’t make my mistake.  Share your story.  There’s a silent sister out there suffering, and she needs to hear it.

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Find more resources and cause for hope at PregnantWithHope.com

Giving Voice to Infertility

Conceiving and carrying a baby to term is difficult for some of us—but not all.  So, what does it mean to be singled-out for suffering?  The church is oddly silent when it comes to addressing this question.  Not just my church.  All churches.  They are all failing to provide insight… compassionate support… even just overt grace to those struggling to build a family.  Instead, they offer silence.

Why?

In her review of Pregnant with Hope, E.W. Carter of the Regional Council of Churches writes, “Clergy don’t even know how to talk about infertility in the 21^st century, [so] many of our faith communities are silent when confronted with the unfulfilled longing for a child.”  Essentially, she’s saying the church is silent because the clergy are clueless.

Harsh?  No offense intended, but she says it quite clearly, “They don’t even know how to talk about infertility….”  Why would that be?  There are few, if any, other topics on which the church—and those who speak for God through it—have nothing to say.  What’s the problem?

Old habits die hard.

That’s part of the problem.  For centuries, the church has been run by men.  And, for just as long, infertility has been considered a woman’s failure.  Only recently has medical research discovered that infertility is just as often caused by an issue with the prospective father’s health as with the prospective mother’s.

Now, women are in the pulpit and infertile men are in the pews.  But the church hasn’t metabolized this new reality.  No one’s teaching “How to Talk About Infertility” in divinity school.  What’s stopping that change from coming?

Supply meets demand.

That’s the other part of the problem.  No noise.  No clamor for change.  Until the silent give voice to their suffering, inertia will maintain the status quo.  So, if we want messages of hope for those struggling with infertility to make their way to the pulpit, and from the pulpit into the hearts and minds of all those who don’t yet understand the good news of God’s faithfulness—even in the midst of infertility—we’ve got to speak up.

Are you with me?

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Find more resources and cause for hope at PregnantWithHope.com

Infertility and the Reason for Hope

“Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have” [I Peter 3:15].

For most of my life, I wouldn’t have been able to give a good answer to the question, “what makes you so hopeful?”

Prior to infertility, I probably would’ve said:  because I’m an optimist, because my life has always been good, because things work out like they should.  Those shallow answers would’ve been honest — but they would’ve mirrored a life with very few challenges, and very little spiritual insight.  A sleepwalking life.

God wanted more for my children.  He wanted a spiritual role model with a servant’s heart and a sense of stewardship.  So, He used infertility (and a host of other heartbreaking challenges) to capture my undivided attention.  Once He had it, He pulled the rug out from under me.

Over and over and over.

My father died.  My mother died.  I miscarried twins — one at a time.  Our baby might have Down’s Syndrome.  Our baby had a hole in the heart.  Our baby needed open heart surgery.  More miscarriages.  No money; no rest; no time with my medical resident husband.  Five months of bedrest  (stressed & stir crazy) following another miscarriage.  Premature delivery.  A cardiac emergency in the delivery room.  Massive transfusions.  Cancer and chemo with a newborn.

On and on and on it went….

But, we survived.  And to our great joy, so did two babies.  Through it all, I learned to cling to the only One who had the power to bless us, protect us and sustain us through the constant onslaught of tragedy and trauma.  I learned where to find shelter in the storm.

“… like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built” [Luke 6:48].

The storm finally passed.  I realized I could stop holding my breath, stop anticipating the next crisis.  Slowly, I recovered a sense of Normal and emerged from my hiding place with a new appreciation for God’s faithfulness.

What is the reason for hope that is unshakeable?  The goodness of God.  It is completely reliable.

One day, you, too, will have a compelling answer when  people ask, “How were you able to sustain your hope?  How did you keep believing a baby would come until yours finally did?”  Lean into believing there is a reason to hope.  Honor God with your trust.  He will reward you with blessings you can only imagine.

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For more resources and cause for hope, visit PregnantWithHope.com

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*Please note: Summer reruns begin next week.  Look for your favorite blogposts and share them with someone who needs to support your journey, or to find hope for their own.

Infertility and Acts of God

The power of the infertility Bible study group, and the infertile women’s prayer group, is hard to explain to someone who hasn’t experienced infertility.  What about it is so life-changing?  So awe-inspiring?  So hope-renewing?

A few days ago, I saw a print ad in a magazine that captured the essence of what we’re doing – and why it matters.

In the ad, a woman is walking down a dirt road looking at the devastation wreaked by a tornado.  There is nothing identifiable around her; everything has been destroyed.  The copy reads, “We combat natural disasters with acts of God.”  As soon as I saw that ad, something deep inside me resonated.  I thought to myself:  that’s what we do… we combat heartbreak with acts of God.

We share stories that give hope.  But more than that, we draw on the power of God to drive away the darkness that accompanies loss and grief.  We combat experiences that look like disasters with the news that God is hard at work.  He is the light that will end the darkness.

What makes that claim believable?  Couple after couple after couple affirming the truth of this promise:

“He gives the childless woman a family, making her a happy mother” [Psalm 113:9]

All through scripture, God turns negative situations into blessings-in-disguise, impossibly long odds into certainties, and unimagined possibilities into reality.  He makes woman after infertile woman the mother of a child of destiny.  He is the God who makes the impossible possible – and we are the people who are called to testify to the truth of what He has done.

For the past six months, I have poured my heart and soul into testifying on behalf of God’s goodness, faithfulness and purposefulness.  I have done my best to affirm His deep desire to bless those who seek Him, trust Him, and turn their future as parents over to Him.  I hope that this blog has been helpful and inspiring.  I hope that it has glorified the God who can do anything.  And I hope that it has given you hope.

Will you let me know if it’s made a difference?

Blessings always,

Susan

Infertility & the Unexpected Detour

Pam and Aaron joined the infertility Bible study looking for community and support, and hoping to be among those who conceived quickly.  Instead, their journey took them far from their desired destination.

As they struggled through infertility tests, treatments and repeated heartache – they found the slope of their climb getting steeper and steeper.  When Pam was laid off, they lost one household income.  Then Aaron lost his job.  Suddenly, there was no income at all.  They would have to sell their condominium to avoid foreclosure.  Unfortunately, they were entering a glutted, sellers-only market.  Worse, a nearby condo building was about to slash prices to spur sales.

The money they needed for future procedures – or adoption costs – seemed to be evaporating before their eyes.  They talked, half-jokingly, about selling Pam’s engagement ring to subsidize IVF.  They would have to move in with her parents, leaving behind the community of infertile couples that had encouraged and sustained them.

At this point, it would not have been unreasonable for them to ask, like the psalmist:

“Will the Lord reject forever?  Will he never show his favor again?  Has his unfailing love vanished forever?  Has his promise failed for all time?  Has God forgotten to be merciful?  Has he in anger withheld his compassion?” [Psalm 77:7-9].

They could not see cause for hope, but they chose to believe that God would help them find a way through their challenges and back to the path leading to parenthood.

It didn’t take long for God to show up.

First, they sold their condo – in four days, and just prior to the announcement of a $60,000 price cut next door.  “That was amazing,” said Aaron.  “That $60,000 was money we couldn’t afford to lose.”  They moved to Pam’s parents’ house.  But, within a few weeks, Pam had a job offer – in the city they’d just left.  Soon after, Aaron had an interview for a director’s position – in the same city.

The tide was starting to turn.

A week ago, they spent several days in town for Aaron’s interview, and came to worship.  Several of the couples from the infertility Bible study happened to be in the lobby talking.  Instantly, they were drawn back into the network of love and support they’d thought they would have to forfeit.

It was as if God rebooted their entire story.  First, He removed everything they relied on:  their jobs, their incomes, their housing investment, their network of friends, their church home…  leaving them, it seemed, with next-to-nothing.

Then, He awaited their response.

They stayed in faith and trusted that He would guide their steps and make a way where there seemed to be no way.  And He did.  He restored their jobs, their incomes, their support network and their church home.  Within weeks!

What was the purpose of this dramatic detour?

I believe it was a test designed to show them how much power there is in trusting God, and how faithful He is to those He loves.  And, I believe they passed with flying colors – by which I mean, they made God-honoring choices, “walking by faith, and not by sight” [II Corinthians 5:7].

Now, they’re re-focused on the original destination… transformed by the detour they would never have chosen, and won’t soon forget.  Free of the financial burden of a mortgage.  And ready for whatever’s next on this journey.

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For more resources and cause for hope, visit PregnantWithHope.com

Infertility on Mother’s Day

It’s the worst:  sitting in the pew, watching as more and more women stand in response to the pastor’s annual question.  “How many of you are new mothers this year?  Please stand.  How many are mothers of two children?  Please stand.  How many mothers of three children?  Please stand – and all of you stay standing.  How many mothers of four children?  Of five?  Of six?  More than six?!  Oh my goodness gracious!”

That’s our pastor’s verbal salute to the mothers of the congregation.

In response, every year, the congregants give a round of applause.  Flowers are handed to the mother(s) with the most children, and then all the hundreds of mothers beam and look slightly embarrassed… but remain standing.  For what feels like five minutes.

I’ve noticed other women in our congregation also stand every year.  They’re the ones who do their best to slip out discreetly when they realize this is a nightmare.  Tears streaming, heads down, arms folded protectively across breaking hearts, they scoot up the side aisles – trying to escape the grief that will follow them out of the sanctuary and into the world.

It’s Mother’s Day.  And some women still aren’t mothers.

What do you say to the God who watches silently?  The God who has heard and answered the prayers of countless women – all of whom get a round of applause?  Did He hear the prayers of infertile women?  Yes?  Then why didn’t He answer?

That is the question no minister tackles on Mother’s Day:  Why, God?

No one’s willing to shatter the silence – to talk about one of the deepest, most painful secrets couples can share.  And so, the stigma that compounds suffering remains intact.  As does the unspoken consensus that infertility is a curse – or at least, the absence of a much-desired blessing.  But, why?  No one seems willing to say.

Pregnant with Hope: Good News for Infertile Couples was written to speak scripture-based, God-inspired hope into the deafening silence around infertility.  The kind of hope that has the power to transform circumstances and change lives.

Clergy have not been silent in response.  They have been unanimous in their praise:

“Beautifully written – full of excellent theology and pastoral compassion.  I wish this resource had been available for the past 30 years.”

“An incredible resource for those working to foster environments in which lives are transformed and hope is found.”

“It invites couples on a journey of hope and healing of the kind only God can give.  This is a book for struggling couples, and for those of us who love them and often don’t know what to say or do.  I’m so thankful for this resource.”

“Amazing and much-needed.”

“As a psychologist, and as a pastor for 30 years in the African-American community, I have long awaited a book like this.  It gives me a significant, practical, spiritual tool to serve couples who find themselves facing infertility.”

This Mother’s Day, give yourself the gift of answers to your most pressing questions.  Let Pregnant with Hope help you hear the voice of the God who has heard your prayers.  Once you see and understand what He is doing, in and through your infertility journey, you will find peace in the midst of uncertainty.

And one day, it will be your turn to stand when you hear, “How many of you are new mothers this year?”

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P.S. Forward this blog to your pastor, or send me his/her email and I will do so on your behalf (susan@pregnantwithhope.com).  The only way to be heard is to speak up.  Happy Mother’s Day to all the future moms!  XO, Susan

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Find more resources and cause for hope at PregnantWithHope.com

Infertility & the Power of Prayer

Why, if her own infertility journey is over, would a woman choose to work with infertile women?  Not for the money.  She does it for free, despite her own family’s financial needs.  Not for the recognition.  Few people outside the insular world of infertility even know what she does.

Lisa Graham works with infertile women because she has a servant’s heart, and because it is a joy to watch God work in the lives of women who entrust their stories to her.

Seven years ago, after her own journey made her aware of the profound lack of spiritual support for women battling infertility, Lisa was urged to start a prayer group for infertile women.  A friend told her, “You should get women together, share your stories, and pray for one another.”  At first, Lisa felt intimidated by the idea of being the leader.  But another woman, “who knew scripture much better than I did” agreed to partner with her, and the two women launched a unique ministry.

“We meet once a month,” Lisa explained.  “We go around the circle and everyone shares what’s happened to them since we last met:  test results, where they are in their cycle, the next doctor’s appointment….  Sometimes, there are losses to share.  And almost always tears.  Then, we anoint each woman with oil and pray for her.  Every month, we say, ‘Jesus is in the house!’  You can feel his presence in the room.”

Talking about infertility makes many people very uncomfortable.  Unfortunately, that includes those who are expected to minister to us during times of struggle and heartache.  E.W. Carter of the Regional Council of Churches said, “Clergy don’t know how to talk about infertility in the 21^st century, so, when faced with the unfulfilled longing for a child, they are often silent.”  That silence can make infertile couples – especially women – feel judged, neglected, and marginalized.  Lisa Graham’s prayer group models one simple solution to this problem.

“It’s amazing to me that there aren’t more churches doing this, but we are the only group like this in Atlanta.  Every month, Christians, Jews and non-believers gather together to honor God, to share their burdens, and to support one another.  It is a simple ministry, but it’s very powerful.  We see so many miracles – women getting pregnant after their doctors have said they can’t, women conceiving naturally after IVF has failed… we know God is at work.”

Luke tells the story of the Pharisees insisting Jesus rebuke his disciples for calling out praises to God for the miracles they’ve seen.  Jesus’ response is “If they keep quiet, the stones will cry out” [Luke 19:40].

That is how “alumni” of Lisa’s prayer group — who are now mothers — feel about acknowledging God’s role in their stories.  Many of them return to the group every month to pray with and for other women.  They feel compelled to share the good news of their own experiences with those in desperate need of hope and inspiration.  “We praise God for what He does, and we claim His promises for one another,” said Lisa.  “The rest is up to Him.”

As National Infertility Awareness Week approaches (Apr 24-May1), consider whether you — or someone you know — might benefit from a group like Lisa’s.  If so, forward a link to this blogpost to your ministry team or your doctor and let them know there is a simple way to deliver meaningful support.  If you prefer to protect your privacy, feel free to send their contact information to me (susan@pregnantwithhope.com) and I will  forward information on how and why to start a prayer group.

Remember:  The God who is so generous and faithful that He must be praised or “the stones will cry out” is ready and waiting to help all those who call on Him.  What are you waiting for?

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Find more resources and cause for hope at PregnantWithHope.com

Infertility’s Need for Community

I’ve been hearing about the importance of good self-care all my life.  It requires me to be attuned to my body’s needs, respond to my body’s messages appropriately, and seek help when I can’t solve a problem.  Because there is more to me than just my physical self, it also means responding constructively to my emotional, intellectual, psychological and spiritual needs.

That became very difficult when we were going through infertility.

It’s a common problem, and one that can snowball rapidly.

Insufficient self-care can quickly undermine a relationship as our list of unmet needs grows – along with our frustration, resentment, hurt and anger.  We can’t control infertility, but a truly committed partner would sense our needs and meet them.  Right?  That unvoiced expectation puts tremendous pressure on a relationship already stressed by the challenges of infertility.

If this is the best self-care we can muster, what’s the alternative?  Who else can help us?  Christ, in community.

“For where two or more are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them” [Matthew 18:20].  That’s the foundational assumption on which we built the infertility Bible study group.

People who are struggling through infertility need help and hope.  We need to surround ourselves with people who truly understand the struggle, and care deeply about it.  We need to immerse ourselves in the powerful promises of God – who is bigger than the problem we’re facing.  And, we need to experience the caring presence of Christ through community.

It’s too much to expect good self-care to do all that.  In the midst of infertility, it can’t and it won’t.  Neither will the world’s best partner.

If you are one of the “we” going through infertility, stop expecting the impossible from yourself – or your spouse.  You need a community to surround you and lift you up.  You need to find comfort in the knowledge that you are not alone – and to experience that comfort, first-hand.

When you seek and find it, you will also find affirmation, belonging, support, hope, encouragement, inspiration, compassion, spiritual sustenance, and much more.  And, you will (re)discover the joy of giving all these things to others who – like you – are so hungry for them.

How do you find such an amazing community?  A growing number of hospitals and churches are starting infertility groups, using Pregnant with Hope: Good News for Infertile Couples as the basis for discussion.  If you inquire and find there is no such group, equip yourself with a copy of the book and print-outs of a few blogs that have been particularly meaningful, and point out the need.

The risk you may feel you are taking – “what will people think?!” – is well worth the incredible support you will find God providing in response to your call for help.  Remember, “Everyone who calls, ‘help, God!’ gets help” [Romans 10:12].  So, don’t be afraid.  Think of it as very good self-care.

And if, for some reason, you don’t get the response you want, contact me directly (susan@pregnantwithhope.com).  I’ll work with you to start a group in your area.  There’s lots of information on the website, PregnantWithHope.com, about how to get the ball rolling.  Find one other couple, and we’ll be ready to begin!

The help and hope you need are closer than they feel.  Please, take a step toward them.  It will completely change the way you experience the infertility journey.

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For more resources and cause for hope, visit PregnantWithHope.com