There is Nothing Wrong with Hope

In his book, Love, Medicine & Miracles, Dr. Bernie Siegel writes, “In the face of uncertainty, there is nothing wrong with hope.”  How often has your infertility specialist said that to you?  How about your family or friends?  There is something in Siegel’s unconditional assertion – “there is nothing wrong with hope” – that implies a confidence infertile couples often crave, but do not feel.

Dr. Siegel, a cancer surgeon, discovered years ago that a subset of those patients who came to him for help were able to live lives of meaning and purpose in the midst of uncertainty.  These “exceptional patients,” as he called them, experienced something during their journey that they shared repeatedly with him:  attitude is everything.  As they explained, the belief(s) that guide your thoughts will determine the quality of the life you live.

The same is true of the infertility journey.

Couples who learn to trust God’s plan, release their grip on (the illusion of) control, and lean into believing that there is a purpose in their struggle, invariably go on to become parents.  Some by conception.  Some by adoption.  A few by foster parenthood.  But all of them get there.  I have yet to see a couple give their dream to God and forever remain a twosome.  It’s a matter of how – not If.  A question of when – not Whether.

“… There is nothing wrong with hope.”  Siegel’s words are a great reminder that there is no great risk in hoping that God is faithful.  Hoping that His promises hold true for ALL believers.  Hoping that He will elect to bless those who trust Him – His purpose, His plan, His timing.  There is nothing wrong with hope!  It is not irrational. It is not delusional.  It is not unfounded.

It is faith.

And we have been called to walk by faith, and not by sight.  We have been taught to trust a God we cannot see, but who hears our prayers, knows our thoughts, and shares in our suffering.  It is this God who alone is able to realize our deep desire to become parents.  It is His will that makes it possible.  And when we are in the flow of His will, “there is nothing wrong with hope.”

I know several couples who will be finding out in the next few days whether their recent IVF’s have resulted in Christmas conceptions.  I hope that they have.  But even more, I hope that the God who knows their hearts, feels their longing, and intends to bless the seed of hope He has already planted will give these couples nothing less than His very best.  ‘

I know from experience — it’s worth waiting for.

Emmanuel.  God with us.  There is cause for hope.

Infertility & Cause for Joy

Is it possible to experience true joy in the midst of an unsuccessful quest to conceive?  The visceral response is, “Of course not” – especially this time of year, when that instinctive answer is likely to be tinged with more than a little resentment or despair.

The world has taught us to associate this holiday season with family celebrations and wish fulfillment.  But what if we don’t feel like celebrating because our biggest wish is still unfulfilled?  What if our lives look nothing like what we’d pictured for ourselves — especially for this season?  Does it mean we’ve been chosen to suffer while others experience joy?

I don’t think so.

Then what does it mean to be infertile this season?  To have an unfulfilled longing for a child that God just seems to ignore?  That’s a great question, and it’s one that breaks the hearts of many infertile couples.

Here’s what I believe God wants us to understand about the answer….

We can see only what we want and don’t have when we put ourselves at the center of the story.  Why am I suffering when this should be a season of joy for me?  Why can’t I have the baby I want when I want it?  Why is God withholding the best gift I could imagine in what’s supposed to be a season of giving?

Consumed with thoughts of “I want!  I want!” we struggle to see any blessing, much less cause for joy, in this season.  But, if we put God at the center of the story, we can see this season very differently.

It can become a reminder that God has already given each of us the baby that was promised — baby Jesus.  He has already shown us that an “impossible “conception is possible by giving us proof of His ability to create life, despite the inability of science to explain how it happened — baby Jesus.  On top of all that, He has given a gift that is evidence of His great love for us, His deep desire to draw near to us, and His divine purpose:  to bless and save us.

Baby Jesus.

There’s our hope.  There’s our reason to believe that what we see and understand and feel able to explain is never the whole story.  There’s the proof that God never fails to fulfill His plan or accomplish His purpose in His perfect timing.

Why does that matter to couples struggling through the infertility journey?  We are seeing only a moment; God sees forever and always.

Too often, our focus is what’s just behind us and right in front of us.  If the past is full of failures and the future full of uncertainty, it is hard to feel confident – much less joyful, especially if our faith in God’s goodness is faltering.

This season gives us a very real reminder that God works in and through —  but also outside and beyond — our circumstances.  His perspective on our story is very different from our own.  It extends from the first promises made in scripture into a future we can only imagine, but which He can see clearly.

In the midst of this season, God is weaving our stories – and those of our children, and our children’s children, and their children —  into the one Great Story of love and salvation.

Is our longing for a baby lost in all that?  No.  Somehow, God knows every worry, every thought, every action… every detail of every aspect of our lives.  And in this moment – in the midst of this season – He has not lost sight of us.  He is actively working to bring about His perfect plan, and it will be cause for great joy.

This season, we can welcome Baby Jesus with the joy of anticipation.  He is the reminder that all things are possible, that God is full of extravagant grace, that He loves us deeply, and that He wants us to receive the gift of life.

May confident joy be your response — this season and always.

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Need more inspiration and cause for hope this holiday season?  Read Pregnant With Hope: Good News for Infertile Couples, and find additional resources at PregnantWithHope.com.