The Season of Discernment

Unexplained infertility can seem like psychological torture.  No one can tell you what’s wrong, what will work, or if anything ever will.

Faced with little-to-no information, how can you make decisions?  When the voice in your head is shouting, “The clock is ticking! You’re running out of time!” how do you think clearly?  When the most-likely-to-succeed protocol fails – repeatedly – what should you do next?  Where can you turn for input?  Who can you trust?  And how much more can you handle?

Bottom line:  What does it mean when there’s still no baby?

Welcome to a season of discernment.

When Don and his wife reached this point in their infertility journey, Don made a very wise choice.  He decided to slow down, wait, and listen.  “I’m one who believes God’s touch is very subtle,” he said.  “You’ve got to exert immense patience to understand – and wait for – what He’s doing in your life.  If you jump to a conclusion, you may miss the message.”

After several miscarriages, Don thought, “We haven’t been able to get pregnant.  Is God sending us a message?  I was listening and thinking, is God saying, ‘You shouldn’t be parents?’ or, ‘You should take another approach?’”  He and Robin decided to join the infertility Bible study to spend time with other couples struggling with the same questions.

“When I first went to the class, I was struck by how many people were emotionally distraught about infertility.  But I kept reminding myself:  God has a way of moving things around so that it’s a win-win for everybody.  It sounds formulaic, but you have to trust Him.  Be ready – do your part – but let it come on His time.”

The more they listened to other couples’ stories – especially those of “alumni” who came back to talk to the group – the more they realized, “you have to be patient.”  Speed and a desperate sense of urgency had not made  these other couples parents.  In fact, just the opposite!  Quite a few affirmed Don’s sense that  “you can’t just take over.  God’s got opportunities, messages and subtleties there for you… but you’ve got to be listening.”

Over time, Don and his wife felt a growing, deepening peace about the choice to adopt.  “God understood what I needed to make a decision,” Don recalled.  “We researched our options thoroughly, moving slowly enough to seek God’s guidance at every step.”

To a casual observer, it might have looked as if they were making no progress on their journey toward parenthood.  But in fact, the most important progress occurred when they slowed down and were perfectly still.  How so?  A birth mother tried to put her twin boys up for adoption five times  – but she always changed her mind.  Finally, she decided she was ready.

“If we’d been ready 6 months earlier, this mom wouldn’t have been ready,” Don said.  “And if we’d been ready 6 months later, we might have missed adopting our boys.  I want to recognize God’s timing in this miracle.  It was perfect.”

God’s timing always is.

The words “Be still and know that I am God” are not just a suggestion from scripture.  They are an imperative command for our benefit.  They are also the only way to answer the many unanswered questions on this journey.

When we are still, we make space for God’s voice to be heard.  Sometimes, He may be silent.  If so, we should stay still, but not be afraid.   He has not forgotten or neglected us.  And it is not His desire to compound our fear and anxiety.

We must trust that He is well able to speak clearly when we are ready to listen, and when the time is right. Those are the two key ingredients to forward progress.

This season, give yourself the two gifts that will bless your journey:  intentional stillness, and active listening.  Expect God’s guidance – wait patiently for it – and He will honor your faith with His faithfulness.

He always does.

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For more inspiration and words of hope, visit PregnantWithHope.com or read Pregnant With Hope: Good News for Infertile Couples.

Don’t be Deceived by Appearances

When you are trying to conceive and struggling mightily against infertility, it can appear to be a losing battle.  Every disheartening test result, every unsuccessful transfer, every cycle that goes by with no heartbeat in the womb seems to say, “It will never happen.  You will never have a baby.”

The temptation to agree and give in to despair can be so strong.  Everything tangible, visible, or quantifiable is discouraging.  It all tells you to give up hope, admit defeat and get on with your life.

Don’t believe it.  Appearances can be very deceiving. 

What’s the truth, then?  A very different story:

“Instead of shame my people will receive a double portion [of blessing], and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance.  In my faithfulness I will reward them….  All who see them will acknowledge that they are a people the Lord has blessed.”

How do we make sense of that promise when nothing about it seems to align with our experience?  Other than wishing it were so, how does this covenant between God and His people change anything?

If we trust it and claim it, this promise changes everything.  It enables us to step outside the constraints of this world’s limitations and tap into the unlimited power of the Creator – the One who puts the heartbeat in the womb, who breathes life into lifelessness, who makes all things possible.

When we accept this covenant as real and binding, we discover the path to peace.  We know only that we are on a journey; its outcome seems so uncertain.  But to the God who makes the path, who guides our steps along it, and who knows where it leads and how that will bless us, there is no uncertainty.

It will lead to a double portion of blessing.  We will rejoice.  He will reward us – not for what we’ve done, but out of His own faithfulness.  And our blessedness will be apparent to all who see us.  It’s all in place.

How can we be sure?

Listen to these words from formerly-infertile couples.  They stood where you are standing and felt all that you are currently feeling.  Here’s what they learned by studying the messages of Pregnant With Hope, and what they want you to know:

“We realized it matters to God… the details matter.  Down to specific dates, numbers.  He’s very aware of what’s going on.  He cares and He’s involved.  And everything doesn’t have to happen because you make it happen.  You just have to be a participant in God’s plan.” – Laura & Brian

“We’ve learned to trust that when it’s out of our hands, it’s still in God’s control.” – Sarah & Wilson

“We learned that there’s not just one set pattern, one path to get where you want to go.  There are so many different ways to have children.  Trust God.  Use the patience approach and let it come.  Be ready – do your part – but let it come on God’s time.” – Robyn & Don

“We learned that, even though we don’t always know ‘why,’ we can still have peace.” – Angela & Sean

Rather than waiting to reach your future in order to see that it is blessed, why not “see” it already with eyes of faith?  These couples, and many others like them, send postcards from your desired future in the book, Pregnant With Hope: Good News for Infertile Couples.  Invite God to speak to you through it.

Choose to trust His faithfulness.  When you do, like these couples, you will delight the One who asks, “Will you wait for me?  Will you believe that I intend to give you my very best?  I will.”

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Find more inspiration and cause for hope by following this link….

An Adoptive Father’s Story

What if one of the blessings of infertility is that it exposes our infertile faith – and motivates us to draw near and rely on the God we’ve been taking for granted.  Would it be worth the heartache?

Joe thinks so.

When he and his wife joined our infertility bible study, they’d already faced cervical cancer, several failed IUIs, failed IVFs, surgeries (for both of them), and a miscarriage that occurred shortly after they shared news of their pregnancy with a dying parent.

How did they deal with it all?  Prior to these challenges, said Joe, “I was a passive Christian.  I didn’t read the Bible.  We were going to church, but for me, it was at a very superficial level.  I’d go, leave, and put it behind me until the next Sunday.”

Recently, USA Today featured the results of a major survey of young adults.  Among those who consider themselves Christians, 65% said they rarely/never pray with others, read the Bible, or worship.  The article summarized, “They’re mushy, in-name-only Christians.”

Joe embodied the trend of spiritual sleepwalking – mushy, in-name-only faith that’s nothing like a genuine relationship with God.  It’s pointless and largely useless.  But, that didn’t matter to Joe until infertility — and all the challenges that came with it — entered the story.  

“I had this experience that I’d never had before,” he recalled.  “I was in the shower upstairs and I lost it.  I was crying.  I literally could feel God, hear God, and He said, “You have to be strong.”  That’s when I realized I needed God on a more-than-superficial level.”  Soon afterwards, Joe and Nancy joined our infertility Bible study.

When couples seek out our group, they’ve often reached their limit.  Whether that limit is psychological, emotional, physical, spiritual, or some combination of these – their circumstances have become unbearable.  They’ve made as much progress as they can under their own power.  Now, humbled by their lack of success and painfully aware of their human limitations, they realize it’s time to try something new.

What can I possibly offer them?

This promise:  God uses our circumstances as a “spiritual refining process” to prepare us.  Rather than ignoring or punishing us, God  is allowing our experiences to mold us in anticipation of the blessing He has planned.  The gift that is coming.  The child we long for.

It’s human nature to feel desperate when we reach our limits.  But when we stop relying on our own ability to bring our dream to fruition, we open the door to a new kind of hope, based on God’s promise and His faithfulness.  The same promise-keeping God of scripture continues to work today in the lives of couples who invite Him into their story.

I’ve watched Him work miracle after miracle in the lives of couples who’ve joined our group and chosen to proceed in God-honoring ways.  They replaced spiritual sleepwalking with conscious, intentional trust and faith-full decisions.  Did it change anything?  Yes.  It changed everything.

Was it worth the effort?

When I interviewed Joe, now the father of a two-year-old son, for Pregnant with Hope, he summarized his experience this way:  “At the end of it, if all that happens is that you become closer to God, it’s worth it.”

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Update: In March, Joe & Nancy adopted their second son. They sent an email describing their oldest son’s response to the new baby:  “His eyes lit up and he smiled from ear to ear as he asked, ‘Is this my brother?'”  They continue to be amazed at the way God has created a uniquely wonderful family to bless the four of them.

Find more resources and cause for hope at PregnantWithHope.com

The Many Blessings of Adoption

For some couples, infertility is simply the product of timing.  Initially, that can feel like a huge disappointment.  But, it can prove to be a great blessing.

Robin and Don met in their early 40’s and married just before Robin turned 45.  Statistically, they had an 87% chance of being infertile.  Robin conceived naturally – twice – but both times, she miscarried soon afterwards.  Said Don, “I thought, realistically, that chances of me becoming a father were slim.  I remember telling some friends one time that that would be my biggest disappointment in life….”

“ It was hard to think that we had passed the point of being able to have our own genetic children,” Robin agreed.  They talked to fertility specialists, but somehow weren’t at peace with IVF.  So, they began to consider adoption.  Here’s how Don described their decision process:

“I’m one who believes you’ve got to exert immense patience to understand – and wait for – what God’s doing in your life.  If you jump to a conclusion, you may miss the message.  At the time, I wondered:  We haven’t been able to get pregnant — is there a message there?  I was listening and thinking:  Is God saying, ‘You shouldn’t be parents?’ or ‘Take another approach’?  I knew God had messages for us, but we had to be listening.”

Psalm 37 teaches, “Delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart’s desires.  Commit everything you do to the Lord.  Trust Him, and He will help you.”  Don and Robin did that:

1) They entered the adoption process focused intently on God’s love, His purposefulness, and His deep desire to bless them, 2) They sought His guidance and trusted Him to direct their steps, and 3) They chose to believe that He had a plan worth waiting for – one that would be better than anything they could accomplish without Him.

What happened?  Did God help them?  “We were told to expect a 12-18 month wait,” Robin said.  So, they trusted and waited.  Ten days later, they got a phone call.

“Our social worker said, ‘Are you ready to be blown away?  There is a mom who has 5-month-old twins.  She has been wanting to make an adoption plan since she was pregnant, but she’s had a lot of false starts and nothing’s come through.  She’s ready to go through with it.  She chose you.’”

“I look back on it now,” said Don, “and here’s the miracle: if we’d been ready six months earlier, this mom wouldn’t have been ready.  If we had been ready six months later, we might have missed adopting our boys.  God has a way of moving things around so that it’s a win-win for everybody.  This mom needed relief, these boys needed a home – they needed our home, Robin and I wanted children… and God worked it all out perfectly.”

Is their story an extraordinary rarity?  I don’t think so.  After spending five years struggling with infertility, Owen and Kelly had a similar experience.  They felt led by God to move onto a path toward adoption and they, too, are now the joyful parents of twins.

Want another example?  How about Bill Haslet, who emailed me about adopting his twins 30+ years ago.  He wrote, “We received a call on a Friday evening and picked them up on the following Tuesday. Talk about instant family!! Today, they are 33 years old, both married, both fathers, and two of the finest young Christian men I know.  Our lives don’t always turn out the way we might plan them, but God’s plan and his blessings are more than we can even comprehend!!”

Sometimes, infertility is the first step on the path designed to lead us toward  adoption.  Rather than a curse, it serves as the signpost that says, “Adoption’s pinwheel of blessings:  this way.”

Don’t be afraid to follow the signs.

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For more resources and cause for hope, visit PregnantWithHope.com

Content, Despite Infertility? It’s Possible

“I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation….”

How many people experiencing infertility can make that claim:  “content in any and every situation”?  When the end of a two week wait comes suddenly… still content?  When there are no eggs to harvest, or when IVF doesn’t work – again… still content?  When everyone  – everywhere! – seems to be getting pregnant.  When it’s time to attend another baby shower, and once again, it’s someone else’s.  When money’s running low and emotions are running high… still content?  Really?

Okay… what’s the secret?

“I can do all things through him who strengthens me” [Philippians 4:13].  What does that mean?  How does this verse give help and hope to couples struggling through infertility?  How can we lay claim to this strength?  And how might it transform our infertility experience?

Mike discovered the answer when he and his wife lost their baby at 20 weeks.  He described his experience  in Pregnant with Hope.  “I remember standing out in the hallway feeling very dizzy.  One of the nurses got a chair for me.  I didn’t think I was going to recover.  But somehow, a feeling of calm came over me and I heard a voice in my head saying, ‘Go to Kirsten.’  One moment I was dizzy… but then one second later, I was clear-headed and able to function.  I tell you, that’ll make you believe in divine grace.”

That divine grace is available to everyone; there are only two requirements.  First, we must acknowledge our need for help.  The voice of pride tells us to be self-reliant, but as Mike said, “When a nurse grabs you and puts you in a chair, it’s because she doesn’t think you can stand.  I was spiraling out of control.”  In that moment, there was no energy for pride or pretense.  Mike was literally knocked off his feet by their loss.  His spirit cried out as his body failed him, and God answered.

The second requirement is simply that we recognize who is helping us, and trust the source.  “We had so many God-works-in-mysterious-ways moments,” Mike remembered.  “Like, I had a ‘eureka’ moment realizing I could love a girl from China as my daughter, and I felt calm.  Or another time, Kirsten began spotting and someone said to me, ‘Everything’s fine,’ and it was like a prophet telling me.  I was inspired by God.”

Was Mike content in every situation, as the Bible verse says is possible?  Not even close.  “Those were the worst two years of my life,” he said.  “It took every bit of emotional strength to get through it.”

Does that mean the verse isn’t true?  No.  “I have learned the secret of contentment…” means experience has taught me.  Mike learned through his experience that peace can be found amidst anguish, calm can be experienced despite uncertainty, and faith can be renewed by messages God sends to those He loves.

The hardest parts of the journey are what led to Mike’s confidence in the promise, “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”  The secret of contentment?  Mike has learned:  It’s God-reliance.

Trust him… You’ll see.

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Find more resources and cause for hope at PregnantWithHope.com

Now What?

I’ve realized I’m entering one of those seasons when I can sense change coming, but I don’t know yet what’s going to be different.

I’ve had the feeling for a while that I should be holding everything loosely — my time, my priorities, my commitments, my family, our things, our money, our dreams… All of it.  Everything that consumes my thoughts, requires my effort, and fills my days so full, so quickly that they seem to melt into one another and move past me in waves.  I’m supposed to let go of all of it and wait for a clear sense of what’s next.

Honestly, I’m not sure what that might be.  A new book to write?  A new group to lead?  A completely new assignment from the God who’s kept me very busy for the past few years?  Or, is it simply time to rest?  To do less, and (just) be more?  I don’t know, but it’s time to find out.

The only thing that’s clear to me right now is that I need to quiet my inner voice, so that I can hear God’s more clearly.  I need to carve out some Sabbath time to listen, and try to be more patient than I am naturally as I wait for clearer understanding:  Now what?

In the meantime, I’ll re-run some of the most popular (i.e. widely-read) posts from the past year.  Even if you read them the first time I posted them, I encourage you to ask God to show you something new and to draw you deeper into a trusting, peace-giving relationship with Him.

For starters, here’s a post from last spring….

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In a recent study of 200 women, a high correlation was found between those who said they were religious and those with low rates of anxiety/depression during fertility treatment.  Lower rates of depression and anxiety correlate to higher pregnancy rates.  So, it stands to reason that spiritual women should have more pregnancies.

In the beginning, when couples walk through the door to the infertility Bible study, the men look apprehensive, and the women, fragile to the point of tears.  But that changes.  Over the course of the study, they come to realize the wisdom of letting go of (the illusion of) control.  They learn the value of being still and listening for God.  And with that understanding comes peace in the midst of uncertainty.

I can literally see the change occur.  Body language goes from self-protective – arms crossed, gazes averted, huddled close to their spouse – to open, relaxed, and receptive.  The real change is occurring in the spirit, but it is reflected in the unspoken language of the body.  That change indicates God’s growing presence, which creates new possibilities.

So, is the study right in its prediction that these increasingly spiritual women have more pregnancies?  I’d have to say, yes.  And no.  Yes, because experience has shown me—again and again and again—that those who see infertility as an invitation to draw nearer to God, and who respond to that invitation, are likely to become parents.  But no, because sometimes the result is not a pregnancy; sometimes, it is an adoption.

Here’s the important thing:  that is no less a miracle.

I don’t say that as a Pollyanna.  I’m not advocating, “be happy about failure,” or “suck it up and compromise.”  I’m saying, make a paradigm shift.  Recognize that, sometimes, God calls couples to steward a soul who comes into their life in a different way than they might have expected.  That’s not defeat; that’s a different plan for victory.  And it is no less a gift.

Are those couples disappointed?  Truthfully?

“Alumni” couples often return to the Bible study to talk to current participants about their experiences.  One entire class is devoted to hearing from adoptive parents.  They speak with conviction about their certainty that their particular child belongs with them:  “God chose him for us,” “We knew as soon as we held her that she was meant to be our daughter.”  In some cases, they also share stories of the effect the adoption had on the birth parent(s).

With loving grace, I suggest to you:  let go of your vision of how this story will unfold, and when.  Give God as much room as possible to work in your story.  He wants to give you His very best.  He wants to create a pinwheel of blessing, and it may touch souls you don’t even know.

Will you make way for that possibility?

Fostering a Family

DCFS (the Department of Children and Family Services) is an acronym familiar to many because of news stories that report on abuse and neglect occurring in state foster care systems. These stories receive prominent coverage because “bad news sells.” The unintended consequence is that foster care appears to be a profoundly flawed system, and one that aspiring parents should avoid at all costs.

That’s not necessarily true.

The truth is that there are some amazing success stories in foster care. Stories of people who’ve opened their homes to children who were strangers and enabled them to experience loving family – in the process, altering the trajectory of their lives for the better.

Heather was 2 years old when she was placed in foster care. In the beginning, she resented the social workers who took her and her sister, Kayla, from their biological mother. But the girls quickly grew to love their foster parents, Barry and Marsha Yearwood, who later adopted them.

Heather, now 22 and happily married, didn’t fully appreciate the love she experienced in the Yearwood’s home until her biological mother resurfaced after many years. “She had a dead-end job. She moved every four months or so.” Heather’s younger brother, who’d remained with his mother, was a high school dropout. “She never instilled anything in him. I remember sitting there thinking that could be me.”

Today, thanks to the Yearwoods, both Heather and Kayla are attending college.  And, Heather and her husband, Dustin, have become foster parents. “It’s amazing what the Yearwoods were willing to do for me,” said Heather. “I felt like it was important to pay it forward.”

Is that story the exception that proves the rule?

John Silvey doesn’t think so. Growing up, he saw his parents take in and nurture hundreds of foster children. Foster care seemed completely natural to him. He shared his childhood with special needs children, and children who had been physically or sexually abused. Most, though, simply had no one to care for them. “When you’re a kid growing up in a family like that, you learn to have compassion,” he said. “It was a great experience.”

When he married, Silvey and his wife, Beth, decided to become foster parents. Less than two years after they completed their training, after having cared for three siblings and several other children, they got a call about newborn twins who needed a home. “From the moment we picked them up [on December 18^th], we knew,” he said. “They were our Christmas present and they’ve been that to us every day. They are our girls.” The Silveys are finalizing adoption March 21^st.

In one of his most memorable lessons to the disciples, Jesus taught that when we feed, clothe, comfort or welcome strangers, we do it for him. Not just in his honor, or in his memory. But also, as if we have literally done these things for Jesus himself. “Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me. Come, you who are blessed, take your inheritance.“

Might it be that your home could be a haven for a child who needs the love you are so hungry to share? And might it be that, in the process of giving generously, you would also receive? Might this be the way God is calling you to create a family – and in the process, to bring His light and love into the life of a child?

Think about it. Pray about it. And then, listen for His guidance. This could be the path to your family….

=====================================================================For For more information on foster care parenting and child placement, visit FosterParenting.com.

Infertility Anxiety & Time to Be Still

Unexplained infertility can seem like psychological torture.  No one can tell you what’s wrong, what will work, or if anything ever will.

Faced with little-to-no information, how can you make decisions?  When the voice in your head is shouting, “The clock is ticking! You’re running out of time!” how do you think clearly?  When the most-likely-to-succeed protocol fails – repeatedly – what should you do next?  Where can you turn for input?  Who can you trust?  And how much more can you handle?

Bottom line:  What does it mean when there’s still no baby?

Welcome to a season of discernment.

When Don and his wife reached this point in their infertility journey, Don made a very wise choice.  He decided to slow down, wait, and listen.  “I’m one who believes God’s touch is very subtle,” he said.  “You’ve got to exert immense patience to understand – and wait for – what He’s doing in your life.  If you jump to a conclusion, you may miss the message.”

After several miscarriages, Don thought, “We haven’t been able to get pregnant.  Is God sending us a message?  I was listening and thinking, is God saying, ‘You shouldn’t be parents?’ or, ‘You should take another approach?’”  He and Robin decided to join the infertility Bible study to spend time with other couples struggling with the same questions.

“When I first went to the class, I was struck by how many people were emotionally distraught about infertility.  But I kept reminding myself:  God has a way of moving things around so that it’s a win-win for everybody.  It sounds formulaic, but you have to trust Him.  Be ready – do your part – but let it come on His time.”

The more they listened to other couples’ stories – especially those of “alumni” who came back to talk to the group – the more they realized, “you have to be patient.”  Speed and a desperate sense of urgency had not made  these other couples parents.  In fact, just the opposite!  Quite a few affirmed Don’s sense that  “you can’t just take over.  God’s got opportunities, messages and subtleties there for you… but you’ve got to be listening.”

Over time, Don and his wife felt a growing, deepening peace about the choice to adopt.  “God understood what I needed to make a decision,” Don recalled.  “We researched our options thoroughly, moving slowly enough to seek God’s guidance at every step.”

To a casual observer, it might have looked as if they were making no progress on their journey toward parenthood.  But in fact, the most important progress occurred when they slowed down and were perfectly still.  How so?  A birth mother tried to put her twin boys up for adoption five times  – but she always changed her mind.  Finally, she decided she was ready.

“If we’d been ready 6 months earlier, this mom wouldn’t have been ready,” Don said.  “And if we’d been ready 6 months later, we might have missed adopting our boys.  I want to recognize God’s timing in this miracle.  It was perfect.”

God’s timing always is.

The words “Be still and know that I am God” are not just a suggestion from scripture.  They are an imperative command for our benefit.  They are also the only way to answer the many unanswered questions on this journey.

When we are still, we make space for God’s voice to be heard.  Sometimes, He may be silent.  If so, we should stay still, but not be afraid.   He has not forgotten or neglected us.  And it is not His desire to compound our fear and anxiety.

We must trust that He is well able to speak clearly when we are ready to listen, and when the time is right. Those are the two key ingredients to forward progress.

This season, give yourself the two gifts that will bless your journey:  intentional stillness, and active listening.  Expect God’s guidance – wait patiently for it – and He will honor your faith with His faithfulness.

He always does.

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For more inspiration and words of hope, visit PregnantWithHope.com or read Pregnant With Hope: Good News for Infertile Couples.

What’s the Truth?

When you are trying to conceive and struggling mightily against infertility, it can appear to be a losing battle.  Every disheartening test result, every unsuccessful transfer, every cycle that goes by with no heartbeat in the womb seems to say, “It will never happen.  You will never have a baby.”

The temptation to agree and give in to despair can be so strong.  Everything tangible, visible, or quantifiable is discouraging.  It all tells you to give up hope, admit defeat and get on with your life.

Don’t believe it.  Appearances can be very deceiving. 

What’s the truth, then?  A very different story:

“Instead of shame my people will receive a double portion [of blessing], and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance.  In my faithfulness I will reward them….  All who see them will acknowledge that they are a people the Lord has blessed.”

How do we make sense of that promise when nothing about it seems to align with our experience?  Other than wishing it were so, how does this covenant between God and His people change anything?

If we trust it and claim it, this promise changes everything.  It enables us to step outside the constraints of this world’s limitations and tap into the unlimited power of the Creator – the One who puts the heartbeat in the womb, who breathes life into lifelessness, who makes all things possible.

When we accept this covenant as real and binding, we discover the path to peace.  We know only that we are on a journey; its outcome seems so uncertain.  But to the God who makes the path, who guides our steps along it, and who knows where it leads and how that will bless us, there is no uncertainty.

It will lead to a double portion of blessing.  We will rejoice.  He will reward us – not for what we’ve done, but out of His own faithfulness.  And our blessedness will be apparent to all who see us.  It’s all in place.

How can we be sure?

Listen to these words from formerly-infertile couples.  They stood where you are standing and felt all that you are currently feeling.  Here’s what they learned by studying the messages of Pregnant With Hope, and what they want you to know:

“We realized it matters to God… the details matter.  Down to specific dates, numbers.  He’s very aware of what’s going on.  He cares and He’s involved.  And everything doesn’t have to happen because you make it happen.  You just have to be a participant in God’s plan.” – Laura & Brian

“We’ve learned to trust that when it’s out of our hands, it’s still in God’s control.” – Sarah & Wilson

“We learned that there’s not just one set pattern, one path to get where you want to go.  There are so many different ways to have children.  Trust God.  Use the patience approach and let it come.  Be ready – do your part – but let it come on God’s time.” – Robyn & Don

“We learned that, even though we don’t always know ‘why,’ we can still have peace.” – Angela & Sean

Rather than waiting to reach your future in order to see that it is blessed, why not “see” it already with eyes of faith?  These couples, and many others like them, send postcards from your desired future in the book, Pregnant With Hope: Good News for Infertile Couples.  Invite God to speak to you through it.

Choose to trust His faithfulness.  When you do, like these couples, you will delight the One who asks, “Will you wait for me?  Will you believe that I intend to give you my very best?  I will.”

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Find more inspiration and cause for hope by following this link….

Translating Faith into Action

What happens to leftover embryos?

It’s not a small question, or an easy one.  Experts estimate that more than 500,000 embryos are cryopreserved in the U.S. alone – many because the genetic parents cannot settle on an acceptable answer.

Currently-infertile couples might think they’d welcome the problem of what to do with an overabundance of potential children. It would be a refreshing change from the constant sense of lack and failure.  But the truth is, once a formerly-infertile couple decides their family is complete, the question of what to do becomes an anguish-filled ethical dilemma.

The National Embryo Donation Center offers an answer to the question, “what now?”   They believe that choosing to donate embryos is both courageous and generous (genetic parents are not compensated in any way).  “It is the most life-honoring choice,” affirms Dr. Jeffrey Keenan, medical director at the NEDC.  And, for couples on both sides of the equation – donors, and adopters – it can be a great blessing.

According to the NEDC, “helping another couple” and “giving the embryos a chance at life” are the most common reasons couples donate.  Many donor couples report thinking of their donation as the gift of a potential child to another infertile couple.

From a spiritual standpoint, donating frozen embryos becomes one more step in trusting God’s purposefulness throughout the infertility journey.  If He intends the embryos to thaw, transplant, grow and thrive, they will.  If not, they won’t.

God controls their destiny.

Jessica and Jeremy came to the NEDC to adopt a set of embryos after years spent battling infertility.  Despite having 1200 to choose from, they chose to adopt a set of “special needs” embryos.  “Being obedient to God’s direction, we picked the embryos we were supposed to have,” Jessica explains.  “We could have easily let fear sway our decision.  I’m so thankful that we didn’t!”

They conceived and delivered healthy twins, Grant and Maria.

Why did they choose to risk a problem?  According to Jessica, they were simply translating faith into action.  “The truth of the matter is, there is no guarantee with any baby,” says Jessica.  “If we put our embryos back in the adoption pool would anyone ever adopt them?   Many people asked why we didn’t go with the “strongest” [embryos] so we would have the best chance at success, but… I think it’s evident that we were blessed in our decision.”

As couples grapple with ethical and emotional issues around the question of leftover embryos — often with little or no compassionate guidance from their clergy/spiritual leaders — Jessica has this advice to offer:  “…Heed the call from God to step out in faith and be blessed just as we have been.”

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For more info on embryo donation, contact the NEDC (866/585-8549) or visit their website.  For more resources, inspiration and cause for hope, visit PregnantWithHope.com.