Therefore, We Do Not Lose Hope

Several years ago, I suddenly stopped writing this blog. What I didn’t tell you was that life had taken an unexpected turn… as it often does… and everything I’d ever written was being put to the test.

It started when a doctor told my husband he had Stage 3 colon cancer and offered sobering odds of survival. Surgery was scheduled immediately, and chemo began soon afterward. My husband continued to see his patients while fighting for his life. His pallor and weight loss went unnoticed only because the patients were so consumed with their own struggles.

As he fought for the health of his body, I wrestled with God for his life.

I had released any claim to our children’s lives long before — when our daughter had had open heart surgery at 4 weeks old, and when I’d miscarried our son’s twin and spent 5 months on bedrest in the hope that he’d survive. Those challenges had seemed all-consuming at the time. I had found peace only by entrusting their lives to the God who’d first entrusted them to us.

But my husband had been my rock. Naive as it may sound, it had never occurred to me that his life could suddenly end. When that possibility became a very present reality, we got scared. And I got angry.

I fought with God around-the-clock. I railed at the injustice. I begged for mercy. I pleaded and negotiated and tried everything I could think of to sway the outcome.

And then finally, exhausted and powerless, I surrendered. I opened my hands and admitted that I could not control things; I could only trust the God who claims to love me.

Over many, many tears, I acknowledged the Lord’s right to take away what He had given and to test my willingness to live what I believe. Despite my fear and anticipatory grief, like Abraham, I put my beloved on the sacrificial altar and prepared to fulfill my promise to trust God even when His ways are not my ways.

And I was flooded with peace.

I knew in my spirit that He would care for me. He would be my beloved, my provider, my comforter, and my source of hope. He would never fail me. His promises would be fulfilled in every way I needed them to be.

Tears of grief gave way to tears of gratitude as I embraced the truth of His faithfulness and His promise, “I am with you always.”

Fast forward….

My husband survived. He’s now cancer-free — back to running, practicing medicine, and helping raise our children.

Why tell you this story? Because words of encouragement don’t matter if I’m not facing trials, too. And, because pollyanna posts can wear thin, but the Truth has a power of its own….

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid… for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”  – Deuteronomy 31:6

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Want to hear more about the God who makes all things possible? Order your copy of Pregnant with Hope: Good News for Infertile Couples today.

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3 Comments

Filed under Bystanders, Hope, Perspective, Trust

3 responses to “Therefore, We Do Not Lose Hope

  1. Darlene Coffey

    Susan, I am so glad you are writing again and happy to read your husband is healed! I read post after post hoping to read about your husband’s outcome, and praise God, there it was. Healed!!
    You blessed me years ago with your encouraging posts and I now have a three year old daughter. I know you will help many more women.
    Thankful I stumbled onto your website in 2011, your words encouraged me and as a result of your words to trust God and not man’s dismal percentages of getting pregnant, my daughter Sterling Grace fills my world with joy each day.
    May God always bless you and your family beyond measure in all that each of you set out to do.
    Darlene

  2. Libby

    I had wondered what happened to you! I’m so glad to hear that your husband has recovered!
    Trials, I’ve heard, can make you bitter or better. Admittedly, losing my brother and only sibling when he was a seemingly healthy 36 year old, has made me a little of both. I deal with it well now, I think, and the good Lord fills in my empty spaces, but the immense loss certainly does color my outlook.
    That is partly why I spent my successful pregnancy in disbelief. Why would we be parents after 12 years of infertility? But we are! We were honored to welcome our son into the world last year thanks to the generosity of another couple at our clinic who donated one of their embryos to us. God is good… even when our faith has just about run dry!
    I hope your husband’s struggle has become a blessing to your family. My brother’s favorite verse was Romans 8:28, and I cling to it all of the time. I’m sure you know it well too!

  3. Anya

    So pleased to hear from you again but so sorry to hear what a trial you have all been through . Sending you loads of love from London and hope to be in touch again soon x Anya

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