Yesterday, an aspiring grandfather contacted me to ask about groups in Oregon. He has already given a copy of Pregnant With Hope: Good News for Infertile Couples to his son and daughter-in-law, and also been reading the book himself. What more can I do, he wanted to know, and… what if they never conceive?
That is every infertile couple’s deepest fear: What if we never become parents? What if this is ultimately a pointless quest – a wild goose chase that consumes time and money, and leaves us empty-handed?
I’ll tell you what I told him – and I urge you to consider it carefully.
The only couples I’ve ever seen wind up empty-handed are those who insist on dictating the terms by which they’ll become parents. They say things like, “We’ll try IUI, but we’d never consider IVF.” Or “We’ll do 10 cycles of IVF if we have to, but we’d never consider adoption.”
They acknowledge, “We would happily adopt a baby whose family history we know and approve of,” but they’re adamant that “We’d never consider a foreign adoption…, or an egg donor…, or a sperm donor…, or foster parenting…, or [insert line in the sand here].” Some couples even insist, “Natural conception is the only godly way to become a parent.”
I’ve already written several posts about this mindset. I believe it’s dangerous not because of the boundaries themselves, but because of the presumption to know the mind and will of God. Intentionally or not, these couples are playing God, rather than inviting God to be God in the midst of their circumstances.
When couples insist on barring the door to possibilities God might lead them to, they risk closing the door on His best for them.
I realize it might sound as if I have an agenda – as if I’m trying to steer couples toward a particular path, or around the prohibitions of particular denominations or religions. I’m not. I have no agenda other than compassionate, attentive listening to the concerns of infertile couples, and obedient, attentive listening to the word of God.
My deep desire is to deliver hope to those who have begun to question God – both His plan and His purpose. I would never presume to tell a couple what direction to take through the wilderness of infertility. It is their responsibility to listen for the Lord’s voice, to discern His direction, and to follow it toward the future He has always had planned for them.
I am only here to encourage, to deliver hope, and to point toward Him as the source of all wisdom and truth.
So, what can this aspiring grandfather say to encourage his son and daughter-in-law as they struggle?
He can tell them that, in all my years of experience, I have yet to see the Lord abandon any couple that feels called to parent and remains open to the Lord’s leading on how that will happen. If they trust and obey, sooner or later, it always happens. Maybe not the way they imagined. Maybe not when they expected. Maybe not as they would have scripted at the beginning of this journey.
Every. Single. Time.
Scripture says that God honors those who honor Him, and He delights in blessing those whom He loves. So, praise God from whom all blessings flow.
Need more encouragement? Click this link to purchase your copy of Pregnant With Hope: Good News for Infertile Couples.