“I am the star in my own drama.”
Say it out loud, and it sounds self-absorbed. Narcissistic. Entitled. And it is.
Truth be told, it’s also our default setting.
It is human nature to care about others’ impressions of us. To imagine ourselves as interesting and worth noticing, even fascinating enough to be talked about frequently. Marketers exploit this tendency to see ourselves reflected in the eyes of others. They use it against us — and we fall for it, all because we think everyone’s looking.
How does this affect the infertility journey?
It fuels our “need” for secrecy. It reinforces the irrational fear of exposure. If infertility is evidence we are failures, then we’ve got to hide it. If infertility means we are defective, unworthy, and destined for a future no one wants, then we’ve got to change this script — and live a life of denial in the meantime. We’ve got to invest energy in pretense, so that the truth will never be known — until we reach Happily Ever After.
So, we lie: “We’re not really trying.”
“We’re not sure we want a family.”
“We ‘re focused on our careers right now.”
“We don’t want to give up our freedom yet.”
We think the only way to end this awful charade is to have a baby. To make our reality match what we want everyone else to see. Our desperate urgency, at least in part, is rooted in our deep desire to be who and what (we believe) others think we are: happy, fortunate, successful, blessed.
Consider this… That may not be God’s priority. Before you become a parent, He may want you to learn that it’s not all about you. You’re not the star in life’s most important drama. He may want you to realize that most people are so fully absorbed in their own stories, they’re not paying much attention to yours. If they are, it’s likely to be out of People magazine curiosity, rather than a deep desire to judge or reject you.
Maybe one of the reasons you are on this infertility journey is because God wants to show you a better way to live. He wants to give you an opportunity – and an incentive – to set aside constant thoughts of Self, and replace them with more frequents thoughts of Him. Why would you make that choice? Because it’s the path to peace and hope, despite any circumstances.
Look at the other women waiting anxiously at the doctor’s office. They’re all stars in their own drama. Everyone’s hiding behind a magazine or an IPhone. Everyone’s stressing. Everyone would rather be anywhere but here. No one wants to talk – except about how worried they are. And no one wants to listen – unless your story is worse than theirs.
But look to God, and you won’t sense anxiety. Or fear. Or desperation. You won’t feel competitive. Or threatened. Or jealous. You’ll find someone who’s been waiting to listen. Who hoped you would want to talk. And who knows how to give comfort that reaches deeper and lasts longer than anything the world can offer.
I say this from experience, and with loving compassion: putting yourself at the center of the story is the reason for your suffering. Set your Self aside, put God at the center of the story, trust His purposefulness, and expect this blessing to be fulfilled in your life…
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” [Romans 15:13]
For more inspiration and cause for hope, read Pregnant With Hope: Good News for Infertile Couples