I just heard from a woman who adopted years ago, and is now watching close friends struggle with infertility. She wrote:
“They are desperately trying to have a child…even eating tons of rabbit meat…someone told them rabbits are prolific so maybe eating them would help…not joking.”
Okay, what the heck? Except… we tried all sorts of crazy things, too. Someone told me I should eat lots of pickles, since that’s what pregnant women crave. So, for weeks, I choked them down. Never having been a fan before forced consumption, I learned to hate them in a whole new way when my next cycle started right on time.
It’s laughable now. But it wasn’t then. We were dead serious about getting what we wanted, and if pickles were the path to parenthood, so be it.
When we can’t have what we desperately want, our common impulse is to seize control. That’s human nature. The behavior can seem ridiculous – eating tons of rabbit meat, choking down jars of pickles. Or, it can appear rational – buying ovulation predictors by the case, scheduling major life events around doctor’s appointments. But bottom line, it’s all about the fight for control.
Part of the purpose of this infertility journey is to help us realize we are not in control. We can’t be, no matter how desperately we want to be. That unwelcome realization brings every couple to a fork in the road where a choice must be made: resist the truth, or embrace it.
Resist it, and you doom yourself to a lot of heartache. Control is an illusion. A mirage. An unattainable goal. If you commit yourself to gaining control of this situation no matter what it costs, you will pay a very high price. And you still may not have a child.
But, embrace the truth and you make room for God in your story. You stop investing energy in pretending you know the answers, and recognize the wisdom, power and authority of the only One who truly does. Instead of worshiping the illusion of control, you worship the One who has it – and you humbly acknowledge your need for His help.
It’s the only choice that makes sense. And, it’s the path that leads where you want to go.
Find more resources and cause for hope at PregnantWithHope.com
One response to “The Crazy Things We Do….”
It is interesting that this post comes at a time when I am TRYING to relinquish control to God. It is so very difficult because not moving forward in “trying” seems as though I am giving up. I know that God can do ANYTHING, but I am realizing that I want Him to what I want Him to do when I want Him to do it. Being that He is sovereign and knows everything from today to forever, it should be easy for me to relinquish the “control” that I really do not have. It is not. Control is an illusion. I realized that when we lost our baby at 16 weeks. I could not control things then and I cannot control things now. But oh how I try!
Nevertheless, I must let go and let God be God. We have spent countless amounts of money on kits, surgeries, IUIs, and IVF and still our arms are empty. I know that this journey is for a reason, but I still have some resentment about that fact. Perhaps this is the best way for me to learn that I need God in every area of my life, including having children. If this is the best way, so be it. It is still a great struggle, but at least I am struggling with the One that loves me IMMEASURABLY.