I learned something huge yesterday, and it has very real implications for your infertility journey.
Here’s the backstory: the host of a TV show came to my house yesterday to film an interview. She wanted to get the story behind Pregnant With Hope. Why did I write it? Why do I write this blog? And what keeps me going?
When she asked me to do the interview, I was honored and excited. What a great way to reach more couples, and the people constellated around them. In half an hour, I could deliver messages of help and hope that could alter the trajectory of countless infertility journeys!
I felt nothing but anticipation… until the middle of the night, when fear flooded my heart.
It came out of nowhere and gripped me so tightly I couldn’t sleep.
When the host arrived yesterday, I was a basketcase. All I could think about was anxiety and failure. The prayers I’d prayed seemed powerless in the face of such potent fear. What was my problem? The host urged me to relax, but my heart was racing. My mind was already rehearsing thoughts of failure and defeat.
Somehow, I survived the interview. But all afternoon I was burdened with a feeling of deep despair. I had wanted so much to trust God and honor Him with this story. How could I have failed so completely?
I emailed my husband defeatedly, “It’s over.” He emailed back, “You were obedient.” I clung to those words as I tried to console myself. But when we got in bed last night, I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned for hours before finally begging God to lift the burden of failure off me so I could rest.
And that’s when I learned something huge: it was all an illusion.
God answered my prayer by revealing the enemy’s tactic. My mind had been filled with lies! There was nothing to fear. I spoke my heart and my words honored God. The interview was great, and when it airs, it will speak hope to those who see it. It wasn’t a disaster – it was a victory!
Here’s what I’m trying to say…. God cannot be defeated. When we trust and honor Him, when we are obedient to His call on our lives, there is no power that can stop us. The only obstacle we must overcome is ourselves and our tendency toward fearfulness.
God’s will for our lives — His perfect plan — can never be overpowered when we say an unconditional “yes.” So, the only weapon in Satan’s arsenal yesterday was to get me focused on (negative) feelings, rather than the fact that something awesome was underway.
The same holds true for your infertility journey. God already knows the outcome. The victory is already written in the Book of Life. It is done! But there is a spiritual battle underway over you.
Will you focus on who God is and the seed of hope He has planted in your heart? Will you trust Him no matter what you see or hear from those who do not know Him? Or, will you trust feelings of fear and thoughts of failure planted in your heart by God’s enemy? Will you anticipate defeat, lean into that expectation, and invite it to be so?
Learn from my experience. Your feelings are not the whole story. In fact, they’re nothing more than a distraction. An illusion. A mirage. They are confusing and distressing and anxiety-provoking – but they are not the Truth.
Ask God to show you the Truth – to tell you the Truth – and watch your fears fall around you like a house of cards. It will amaze you! And it will change the way you see everything.
For more inspiration, visit PregnantWithHope.com