Have you noticed that there are days when you’re unable to control negative thoughts? When your imagination turns against you and floods your mind with “I can’t…,” “I’ll never be able to…,” “What will we do if this doesn’t…?”
Have you noticed that brushing these thoughts aside does no good? They’re back in a split-second. Discouraging. Intimidating. Harassing. Acknowledge them and they just seem to multiply, metastasizing into other areas of your life. In no time, the darkness that accompanies these thoughts can envelope you—causing you to feel helpless and hopeless. Demoralized and defeated.
Do other women experience this? Is this part of the infertility journey—this assault from within? Is feeling under attack and unable to defend yourself from your own thoughts normal?
Yes. Yes. And yes.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t fight back. You can… and you should. How?
By shifting your focus from what you fear to whom you trust.
If that trust is rooted in your own power and control, the fear you feel is the realization that you have limitations. Your abilities and resources are finite, and that’s not reassuring. But if your trust is in the God who promises, “…Do not fear; I will help you,” then you have cause for hope.
How do you shift your focus to God’s faithfulness when all you can think about is test results, counting days, scheduling procedures….? Try this. Download and listen to “I Will Praise You in This Storm” by Casting Crowns:
I was sure by now, God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen. And it’s still raining.
As the thunder rolls, I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
“I’m with you.” And as Your mercy falls,
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away.
I’ll praise you in this storm, and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are no matter where I am.
And every tear I’ve cried, You hold in your hand.
You never left my side. And though my heart is torn,
I will praise You in this storm.
If that helps, try their song, “The Voice of Truth.” Or, try “Tunnel” by Third Day. Or, “If You Want Me to” by Jenny Owen.
Consider assembling a collection of songs that acknowledge your struggle, but also express your faith in the God who walks with you. Then, the next time you feel that familiar surge of anxiety and hear the voice of negative self-talk, take a couple minutes to reclaim your sanity and reaffirm your trust.
Listen, and regain perspective.
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